My own mother is so strong and did so much on her own without a  man by her side. Everything she has accomplished was by sheer hard work. I know there are many women out there with men by their sides, but at the end of the day they are the ones who run the household –  the woman, a mother.

While in my room that  Saturday morning in London I was thinking and trying to jot down all my thoughts on paper.  I made a little video onInstagram asking everyone for their own thoughts on motherhood and what it means. I received many beautiful emails and I thank you all so much for them, they were a great help. One email stood out from the rest and somehow it just got me, I could feel this mother’s feelings. I asked her if I could post it here and she said yes.

So here is her letter:

“I have just seen your video on Instagram, in which you talk about motherhood..and I decided to share my little experience.

I have a beautiful boy who will be 1 year old in march, and the only thing I knew for sure in my life was that I wanted to be a mother.

I prepared myself for the role for years (if you can even be prepared for this!!) reading books, babysitting and talking with other mothers, and inside me grown the idea of what kind of mother I will be.

A calm and mindful mama, a mother aware of her role. A kind of education I haven’t experienced in my life, and that is not very common where I live.

I think that in the last 10 years motherhood has throughly changed: unlike our grandmothers or mothers we choose to be mothers, and we can also choose

what kind of mother be, while once mothers were less aware of the result of their actions, and less interested in children education.

Not that they didn’t love their children, ofcorse, but I think they ask them self so little about what to do with children: they just do what their mothers have done with them.

Nowadays we have internet, we have so much informations about motherhood, we read blogs, we get in touch with other cultures.

And that is so good, but also very stressful. We have so many expectations for us and our lives, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed.

And yes, as you say, we have so little credit for our job. Or, at least, our job is payed every day with love, kisses and smiles of our little ones, which is the best pay I could ever ask for.

But society doesn’t exploit motherhood.

Before having my baby I worked full time, but after his birth I felt that I will not continue to work all day.

It would mean to stay away from my boy from 8 in the morning to 18.30 in the evening.

He will spend his whole day with someone else : someone else would see his smiles, someone else will hold him and get him to sleep, and it will be someone else’s face that he will see when he wakes up.

I could not bear this.

I asked for a time reduction (we could not afford to live with just my husband’s income) and they denied it. My boss said that mothers are not good at work, they are always at home because babies are sick, they are not focused anymore on work.

I was at a crossroad: work full time, or quit my job.

I decided to quit.

And nobody, except my husband, were at my side. Every person I talked about thought that I was wrong, that I made a huge mistake and that I will never find a part time job.

Nobody understood my reasons, as simple as they were: I just wanted to stay with my baby. I didn’t give him birth  to let him grow without me.

I know that so many mothers do that, and I think that is so very sad.

When I heard your words on Instagram I just thought about this: it is true. The work of a mother is underestimated.

If a woman choose to be a mother and stay with her children is automatically a failed. Our society wants us to be working mothers, perfect mothers and loving partners.

I think that is a big trap.

Society doesn’t understand how important our everyday work is: we are growing the next generation, and if we want them to be better than us we should work on that.

This is what I think, and I’m sorry that I’ve wrote so much, but I think that you can understand what I mean.”

If there is one thing I understand about being a mother it’s that without a doubt, one of the most underestimated jobs there is. Especially because it’s one of the most important ones. We are raising the future, we are raising the next generation, we are raising human beings and they better be good ones so they can help us change the world! (we could really use some help with this these days)

Life sometimes seems to be a race between adults competing for the title of , “who is living the best life” and Ibelieve our children aresuffering because of this. They are left in daycare or with a nanny at only 3 months of age and sometimes even younger. Working mothers, you know I respect you and please do not misunderstand what I’m saying. My one and only point is that our society should be supporting US a lot more in the early years of our children’s lives just as in the latter years. To have the opportunity to work, but also be able to give our children our time. If we had more women in politics and higher positions, managing our society and so on I strongly believe this would be fixed. As women we are naturally stronger than men and able to juggle and multitask much better.

I am sure almost every mother would love to stay home with her newborn, at least for the first 9 months of his/her life and then slowly prepare for a return back to work. I believe there is something very wrong with our system if this isn’t possible.

Motherhood is a constant multitask and your mind is never quiet.  We always feel guilty and if something goes wrong we always blame ourselves. It can be emotionally exhausting. Then of course it’s also the most amazing job because we love our children so much  and every single moment is so unique and special, even if most days seem completely the same. We should be paid and supported during early motherhood. Somehow I am sure if men would carry children and have to breastfeed they might have more time off from work to recover and spend time with their babies. If mothers and families in general would have more support from our society,  I strongly believe our world would be a much better place. Children would be happier because mother is happy. She also may allow herself to be proud of JUST  being a stay at home mom and not feel constantly judged or less of a person because of it. Therefore the father is content  and the whole family is more at ease and peace. The whole familial  atmosphere may feel calmer.

This little new person is now yours and the responsibility falls on both mother and father. It’s very important to stick  together and stand by each other. If you constantly see your partner making an effort then you will  feel better and even more loved and so will your baby. Although your baby is small it understands every emotion in the household.

This topic is sensitive, but it’s also burning in many mothers’ hearts. I feel that it’s time to open this topic without judgement. Simply be able to support each other without fear of criticism. Take small and important steps to make our children’s world and ours better. The question is what can we do to make this change??

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com