MOTHERHOOD Archives - Page 4 of 5

May 27, 2017

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT

It was close to Christmas and the news was covered with photos of children in circumstances that NO child should EVER have to face. My heart was completely and entirely broken. It made me so angry, sad and furious that this was actually happening and taking place because of actions made by us humans. I posed a simple question on Facebook trying to find out how I could be of help to these children? How could I make a difference? I was contacted by one of the lovely women who work for, “Support Syrian Children”. This is a non-profit organization who travels back and forth to Turkey and Jordan assisting children and their families during these horrible times. They’ve brought first aid goods to different camps once a month for the past 4 years.

I have organized several events to garner donations to Support Syrian Children but it still didn’t feel like enough. One of my missions with my Mothers Spell website is to help feed and provide for children who have nothing and nobody. After one of our meetings I was haunted by the thought of all these children wandering the streets alone, meanwhile my kids were asleep safe and sound in their beds. During these many sleepless nights, I came up with the idea of building an orphanage. I am very happy to report that this is has now come into fruition. On May 30th I will be taking my first trip with Arianna, President of “SupportSyrian Children”, to search for a good, spacious home that can accommodate as many children as possible. It is in our hopes that this will be the first orphanage of many that we raise together. We will need to find amazing people with beautiful souls to work there and give these children the love and care they so greatly deserve but have been starved of. During this trip we will also bring first-aid supplies to various camps.

So I ask of you, if you are in a position to donate please do. Or you can send us an email with any loving messages you have for the kids which we will then paint onto one of the walls in our orphanage. We need to surround them with love, care and hope. We will do our best and we would love to get you involved.
I will report back once I am home from my trip and will share photos of this process and how your contributions have helped. I believe that together we can help to support each other and accomplish incredible things, unfortunately alone we can not get as far.

Children8
IBAN IT89V0521651680000000090881

Love JM

Photo credit Andrea Palmucci

May 14, 2017May 16, 2017

MOTHER’S DAY

I always wanted to be a mother, I looked forward to being a mother and I planned to be amazing at it. I thought it would be so beautiful, easy and natural. I had a strict idea of which kind ofmother I was going to be. I would never ever yell. I would have all the patience in the world. I would just kiss, hug and cuddle my children all day everyday. Give them massages daily. My children would just fall asleep on their own in their cribs. Always sleep through the night. Behave in restaurants. Sit still on trains and airplanes. They would never ever misbehave in public, so I’d never have to feel embarrassed. I would have around six children. I was going to rock motherhood. My children would never scream on the street or run away from me. Just walk by my side and hold my hand. It seemed that motherhood would make my life complete.

I have four younger brothers and I took a big part in raising two of them, as I lived mostly with my mother in my early teenage years. My other two brothers are from my dad and I did help babysit them as well . I greatly enjoyed being a big sister to all of them. Anyway, I have a very modern complicated family. We are all very close and everyone is friends…on most days 🙂

My mother was a single mother orindependent mother – I prefer to use this phrase. She had three children and was so strong and obviously had to work a lot to be able to put food on our table. I helped her with the boys. I refused a babysitter as she would have to pay for it, so I gladly made the choice to help her. I was very young then about 12 years old, now I suppose times are different for children that age. After the experience with my brothers and always loving children and doing baby-sitting jobs throughout my teenage years I thought I was so well prepared for motherhood. Easy peasy. Plus, I had grown up and become an adult quite fast, but many people have stories like these.

I do LOVE being the mother of my children, but I had no idea it would be so hard! Sometimes it is simply not what I had planned. My kids scream sometimes on the street and cry in public. It is so uncomfortable and every mother’s nightmare as people look at you thinking somehow this is your fault and you are a bad mom. At least this is how I feel when it happens to me. I now know children are children and we are just humans. I got the feeling at some point that I try and give all I have to my little men. After days of cooking, cleaning, hugging, brushing, bathing, cutting nails, wiping poo, picking up the amazing food I prepare from the floor, waking up a 100 times in just one night, breastfeeding and the list keeps on growing. What I can say about all this is, yes this is life, at least for some of us.

If I saw another positive sign on a pregnancy test , I would be ecstatic! I would probably cry tears of happiness. Being a mother takes your life away and gives you a new one. You will never be the same. From now on you are a rock star. Super woman. You did it and you do all this everyday. Mothers should be friends, we are all on the same side even if none of us are the same type ofmother. We can all help each other instead of judging. Sometimes we cannot see straight from all the exhaustion and chaos happening around us. We can also not see straight because we are drunk off PURE LOVE and total happiness. When our children tell us they love us and give us a hug. When I tell my son I am taking him to the park to play, just the two of us together, and he jumps up and belts out a, “YES!!” With his face full of excited smiles. Well then it all becomes worth it and it is.

I guess I am trying to say a goodMother is the best, learn from your mistakes – it is okay to make them as they help us grow. Mothers are strong and they know how to fight. I see women like my mother who do everything on their own. Think about which kind of parent you want to be. Which kind of mother do you wish you had? Mindful parenting will raise mindful children.

Today is Mother’s Day and Mothers Spell along with Call Me Spa would like to treat one lucky mother to a home massage in Milano. To thank her for all her hard work, love and care. Every mother has tired shoulders and deserves a treat. Dad can take the kids to the park or when the children are at school you can rest in your own home. Call Me Spa will come over with their table so you can receive an amazing massage and after take a little nap to keep your relaxation going 🙂 Mothers Spell will send you a little surprise as well.

Here is what to do:

Share this post and tag another mom whom you think might like to receive this gift and leave a comment, even a few words, about what motherhood means to you.
If you have Facebook: like the page Mothers Spell
If you have Instagram: follow Mothers Spell profile

You have time until midnight on Sunday 14/05
The most significant comment will be rewarded, the one that strikes me the most.
One lucky winner will be contacted privately (with a message on Facebook or Instagram) on Tuesday 16/05.
Take this gift, you deserve it.

Love, JM

April 30, 2017October 25, 2018

INTERVIEW WITH AKI

Tell me a bit about your pregnancy? How was that experience for you?

I had a bit of morning sickness. I always felt like I might vomit the first few months which for me was hard because I really love food, so I was pissed that it would make me sick. Especially because I was in Sicily and the cuisine is so good and very intense. My cravings were for Japanese comfort food and also Ligurian food. My husband’s mother’s family comes from Liguria so I am accustomed to their food and it is light. Suddenly after the first three months passed I was better. Also, I do believe I was a bit boring, you can say I am a person who does not really love being pregnant. I mean there are many women who really truly adore being pregnant I guess but I am not one of those women. What I do enjoy though is being a mother.

How was your delivery?

Well he never turned upside down in my belly, he was always upright and I tried everything! Took two classes on birth and delivery, rubs and massages and so on, but I knew two months before the due date that I would have to have a C-section. At least that took the pressure off of having a natural delivery. I guess if I had really, really cared and been super strong and insisted on a natural birth delivery then I could have, maybe… who knows? I am a practical person and I just do what needs to be done. I guess it depends on each individuals desire.

How was the feeling when you met Mattia?

I remember I thought he was extremely good looking 🙂 A good looking healthy little boy.

How was hospital experience for you?

It was in Zurich and my husband is Italian, so if you ask him he says it was like being at a 5 star hotel. I had the opposite feeling…for me it was a bit too much, every 20 minutes to a half hour a nurse would enter asking if I needed something etc etc… I just wanted to be alone and have some peace. Actually one woman became angry with me because she wanted to talk and talk about her experiences, but I just wanted to rest and be alone so she was quite annoyed with me – ahahahah. I had the feeling she was not extremely intelligent anyway so I just wanted some peace and quiet.

( Aki takes a break to give us a real traditional green tea, from a town in South Japan where her grandmother comes from which btw, lived until 102 years old. Aki says in Italy people can brag and have intense conversations about olive oil or mozzarella, but in Japan the topic will be green tea. Many conversations can go on about which hometown has the best green tea. I must say that the green tea I tried from Aki’s grandmother’s town was the best one I have ever had to date.)

Did you breastfeed?

Yes, for seven and a half months. I never had a super lot of milk though, I had to work hard on maintaining it. Lots of tea drinking and eating well and in abundance. It definitely is a lovely period and I know how fortunate I am to have been able to do it. It’s also just so convenient, but the down side is that the dad can not really not help very much. It was like an excuse for my husband to say, ” oh no, he needs you it’s physical” ( Aki laughs while recalling this )

What was Mattia’s first food after breast milk?

If I am remembering correctly, Ibelieve it was an apple. I always prefer making my own food, but of course going out from time to time is lovely as well. In general I just really love food and cooking. For Mattia it just made the most sense to make it fresh myself each time, my mother did this for me, so I do the same for him.

What is your favorite thing about being a mother?

Very good question and I was actually thinking about that the other day, but it is difficult to answer. One of the greatest things is that I feel through him, so it’s like childhood allover again. I am also so proud that I created a human.

What is that most difficult thing about being a mother?

Making him fall asleep, it can really piss me off in a way you know? Like I can get so frustrated. I feel often like I am somebody’s total punching bag, which I understand because I used my mother as my punching bag. A very interesting fact that I’d like to point out is that l was raised more by my father not my mother. My mother was the worker.

So I must say since we are friends and I have the privilege to having tasted your food, do you think your husband knows how lucky he is to have a wife that is such a great chef?

Mmm…, I think he might forget, but I think every man forgets how amazing his girlfriend or wife is to be honest. He was also raised without siblings, so I believe in general people who grow up as only children are raised a bit different.

What is your favorite dish to cook at home for your family?

The first important thing for me when I cook is to see what’s in season. I really follow the seasons when it comes to food. Now I have been into Monks beard. I must say I am also very influenced by Italian food. Since I am living here in Italy now, I’ve been exploring many new (“old”) recipes.

How is it you to be 1/2 Japanese in Italy?

It is a very, very interesting experience honestly, maybe I can compare it to being a black man in Asia. Most people assume I am Chinese. For example, once I was walking with my son ( note I am half Swiss, half Japanese and my husband is Italian) so my son is a mix. A man around 45 years of age once asked me if I was only a baby-sitter or if I cleaned houses as well. I would maybe understand a bit better if this was an older man, but a 45 year old… I just don’t know what to think. In 2017 people from everywhere are everywhere.

How is the love story between you and Francesco?

We went to the same Japanese school and I saw him in the outdoor area of the school one day as he was playing soccer. He was playing very intensively and in Japan you rarely see people misbehaving. But as I am very rebellious, I was able to see in him the same which was in me so I started a conversation with him. We became friends, about three years later we met in Paris and we became “friends with benefits”, never expecting anything from each other for about 6 years. Then once he came to visit me in Zurich and we started to consider the possibility of being more then just “friends with benefits”. After three years of dating exclusively we married.

So you are a working mother now, you have your own company. How do you balance your time?

Actually, in my case very conveniently. I can organize my own schedule. I feel very lucky to have a job. I contribute Japanese products to European shops. I started with lots of bags and now I have many other products, like accessories, wallets, handmade dolls for kids and this year I started also with porcelain. All direct sales of my web shop – japanproxy.ch – where all my products are available to everyone.

Do you want to have more children?

I am at about 67% yes, but I am also very fine with one. I would love to see Mattia with a sibling, but I am also 37 going on 38 so I guess I don’t have much more time.

Is there something very important to you in raising a child?

I try to be very open minded on what is important and what is not. I think for me personally, I would like him to be a happy person that really enjoys life, but I guess this is very personal. I am a very excited mother, I love to show him animals and I get more excited than him most times. I love painting and coloring with him. I really feel like I am a child again with him.

You and your husband are both very artistic and creative right?

Yes, I guess so. In the past, I was a photographer and a florist. We both like art and we go to museums often. We are also into languages and both speak 5 languages. Actually my husband almost 6. Mattia hears 4 languages spoken at home – Swiss-German, Italian, English and Japanese.

Can I ask you what is the most difficult thing for a couple when becoming parents?

It is so difficult to have conversation. There are so many periods that children love screaming or crying, it is also a way to torture people, just screaming at people for hours and hours. Sometimes Mattia just wants attention over and over and we cannot do anything else, I feel like our conversations are always interrupted.

Where do you like to buy Mattia’s clothes?

I mostly prefer second hand shops because kids grow so fast. Plus, I just cannot ( I try to avoid supporting companies such as H&M or Zara.. etc.) support H&M or Zara etc.. I really respect designers, environment and little independent companies.

What is your favorite thing about living in Milano ?

I am going to have to say Chinatown here is very unique and cool. I really like it. It is a mixture of main island Chinese and European culture. Also, Milano is very geographically convenient, an international city with departure gates to the world.

Since you are a woman with ambition and very positive energy and have opened my eyes in so many ways I wonder if there is anything you might like to add for our lovely readers?

Well there is a saying that our children are the future, so yes 🙂

I guess customer awareness, where products are made etc.. Check the tag ‘’ Made in …? ’’

Our grandparents still purchased high quality products, which we are happy to inherit because they had and still have value. Not anymore with our generations way of shopping. What we buy is landing in the trash. We invest little and let the garbage hill grow higher. Let’s change our habits into ‘’ Buy less and value more’’ for our children and their future.

Good products as in our grandparents time still exist and are produced, but we will not find them at H&M, Zara nor any (other similar) affordable shops . Indeed it is products which are more or even very expensive http://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/ skip to 8 min on the video, where it explains that things cannot be that cheap without screwing up the 3rd world (or other places), but investing in something more precious can give us a whole new appreciation of things. And you can pass it down to your grand-kids.

I started to distribute products from Japan. A country where the high quality of manufacturing production is an essential part of the culture, and above all, human and workers rights are respected and there is no child labor involved.

I would like especially like to thank Aki, for her honesty on motherhood. Honesty always takes courage. I find comfort and inspiration in her words and ways. I wish you and your beautiful family all the best. In case you are interested in viewing her Japanese products you may find them all here at, japanproxy.ch

Have a great weekend

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

March 12, 2017March 11, 2017

RELIEF OF LOWER BACK PAIN DURING PREGNANCY

This little routine was my best friend during both of my pregnancies. They’ve actually remained staples for whenever I feel stress in my lower back. Nowadays I am usually cooking dinner with at least one of my boys on my hip 🙂

I was involved in a bad car accident when I was living in New York. I got hit by a car while biking. Actually in the beginning my doctors were not sure I’d survive. After hours of scans and check-ups they told me that from the impact I received they were amazed at the shape my spine and body were in. I was recovering really fast. I told them I was a Pilates instructor and that I had been doing Pilates (the original true method by Romana’s Pilates) more or less every day for the past 5 years. They instructed me to never stop and I believe they all signed up for Pilates based upon their amazed reactions. There is good reasoning behind why more and more doctors are recommending Pilates to their patients. After the accident it took me many months of pre-Pilates routines and practicing small exercises to rebuild my body. I did this back then to soften my muscles and the breathing really helped to relieve the tension that was built up in my back. This was not strictly Pilates, it is a blend of Pilates, yoga and classical exercise many professional trainers and athletes do. But after a full day of teaching Pilates my back was sometimes very stressed and I started with this routine and each time I felt much better. Then during my pregnancies my back started acting up a bit again, so I started practicing my routine about 4 times a week to help relieve the tension. It is so important to make time to take care of our bodies, I might have ended up with some terrible physical problems if I had not taken such good care after what happened. So I hope I have inspired you to all help heal your problems if you have them. Or make your body strong to prevent them.

I asked my friend Manuela to join me for an hour or two to help me show you all the exercises. I thought it might be helpful to see it performed with a beautiful belly to understand each position and how to get into them. After our session she told me she felt more relaxed and her back definitely felt better. I would now love to take the opportunity to thank and congratulate her as she delivered her healthy baby boy a few months ago and is now rocking motherhood!

You start by sitting up tall and centered on a block or a rolled up blanket. Close your eyes, feel your body and take slow, deep breaths through your nostrils for a few minutes just to center yourself and focus only on you. Dedicate this moment to you.

Take your left arm up and reach it in order to find a good stretch on your left and keep on breathing deeply. Make sure your sit bones are grounded to the floor and gently pull your navel in and up towards your spine. If you are pregnant be gentle and just create a loving hugging feeling towards your baby, let your core muscle hug the baby in and up towards your center and keep breathing slowly through your nostrils. Then repeat on the other side you can do 4-6 sets on each side.

Lean forward and find your way to all force – which means on your hands and knees. Shoulders over wrists and hips over knees. Inhale and round your back pulling your navel in and up towards your spine, gently squeeze your seat (butt) and then exhale and open up your chest and shoulders and look up. Always have the feeling of your waist is getting longer without you lifting or raising your shoulders up.

Now find your way to lie on the floor with a little fold up towel or blanket under your head. Just make sure you are comfortable.

Have another towel by your side and place it on the middle of your foot, make sure your hips are even and square then press your hip bone forward to increase the stretch and flex your foot so the heel goes up towards the ceiling. Keep on taking deep breaths and relax your shoulders. Make sure to do both sides and if you have the time it id great to repeat a few times – each leg up to 4 sets.

Now look at the photo below and find your way into this position. Bend your right knee and place your left ankle on the right knee and grab the right thigh or knee and make small movements. Rock from side to side and you will soon feel how the circulation around your hip will start to flow – this is my absolute favorite. Make sure to keep your neck and shoulders relaxed and your waist nice and long. You can control how much stretch you get by how much you pull your leg towards you and push the opposite knee away from you. Remain here and take 10 deep breaths on each side and repeat as desired.

Then keep your leg position but lower the leg you hold on to towards the floor, then lean towards one direction and look the opposite way. You will experience a great stretch in your lower back, hips and even your chest and shoulders. Relax and breath deeply, switch sides a few times. I like to remain on each side for about 10 deep breaths and I do about 4 – 6 sets on each side depending on the time I have.

Then take a few breaths just lying on the floor with your legs bent – take few deep breaths here 2-6 and feel how much circulation you have in your lower back and hips before you move in to the next position. You can also let your knees relax together.

Now find your way slowly to “child-pose” meaning your big toes together and knees apart. Open your knees as much to fit your beautiful belly in-between your thighs. Walk your hands forward and let your forehead rest on the floor. If you are far into your pregnancy, have a big belly or are simply more comfortable then place a little towel under your forehead. Now really, really relax and just keep breathing deep long breaths. Place your mind inwards, calm down and make a connection towards your little baby 🙂

Finally, if you still have some time to relax even more and this right here is my all time favorite pregnancy pose! Place your feet up against the wall. This is great for swollen feet and tired legs as during pregnancy blood circulation flows much slower down towards your feet. This will leave you feeling energized and brand new beautiful pregnant mamma 🙂 I used to take mini naps like this when I was feeling tired. Oh, how I miss being pregnant.. it really is a wonderful time, at least for me it was.

If you have an extremely supportive partner or friend who is willing to pamper you during this time of rest have them give you a little head massage for deeper relaxation. I did this here for my sweet Manuela.

I started by gently pressing and massaging the area where her neck and head meet.

Next gently press her shoulders down where she can feel a great stretch over the chest area, keep this for a few deep breaths then take a little break and repeat about 3 times.

Gently press between the eyes three times with the head straight down towards the floor and then massage little circles between the eyes.

Keep massaging until you find your way towards the sides of each eye. Perform about 20 circles here or as much as the beautiful mamma pleases 🙂

Then I hook my fingers under the eyebrow in each corner towards the nose. This area is very sensitive so press gently about 5-10 times.

You may certainly be creative and add more treats to this rest and spoil the mamma to be. She truly deserves it!

When you are all done place the soles of your feet together, bend at your knees and feel a wonderful stretch in your hips for a few breaths.

Gently roll over to one side and take a few breaths before rising. When you do, do it very slowly to prevent you from getting dizzy.

I am sure you are feeling much, much better by now; at least I truly hope so. If this routine got you going then feel free to incorporate more exercises into it. I would love to hear all about it. Just make sure to listen to your body. Never do anything that does not feel positive to you,your own body knows it’s limits.

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

March 1, 2017March 1, 2017

MOTHERHOOD LETTER

A week ago I was in London for a Mother’s Spell project. I had to travel there and stay the weekend to attend a few meetings and this meant I was alone for a whole weekend without my little family. How strange that was! Completely amazing at first but so confusing at the same time. I had no idea what to do with myself. I would start walking and then turn around, change directions and try to make some plans on how to spend my day . I had no idea what to do with my time since there weren’t any of the usual constraints on it. After the first afternoon of walking, thinking and coming up with ideas for Mother’s Spell I started to think about my own family and realized the strongest thing on my mind was “motherhood”. How much mothers do each day and have done for years and years.

It got me thinking of my two grandmothers that are completely amazing and worked so hard all their life. One raised 5 children and the other one 4 with just over a year between each child. They stayed home and worked out of the house as well. They are both so strong and understanding of everything I speak to them about. They give the best advice and when I ask them questions about how they did all they did, they both smile so beautifully and with a distant look in their eye say, ” Johanna, I have no idea I just did what needed to be done”. This is what we are all still doing. Every mother in the whole world. My grandmothers have both fought for women rights through the years by teaching us how to be good human beings and how to make the most out of each moment, loving us and telling stores of how things used to be years ago. Hearing their stories and seeing how so much has changed towards women and mothers makes me want to keep fighting forward. There has been a huge shift already , but of course, there’s always room for improvement. I feel that they are so beautiful and powerful for everything they’ve done.

My own mother is so strong and did so much on her own without a man by her side. Everything she has accomplished was by sheer hard work. I know there are many women out there with men by their sides, but at the end of the day they are the ones who run the household – the woman, a mother.

While in my room that Saturday morning in London I was thinking and trying to jot down all my thoughts on paper. I made a little video onInstagram asking everyone for their own thoughts on motherhood and what it means. I received many beautiful emails and I thank you all so much for them, they were a great help. One email stood out from the rest and somehow it just got me, I could feel this mother’s feelings. I asked her if I could post it here and she said yes.

So here is her letter:

“I have just seen your video on Instagram, in which you talk about motherhood..and I decided to share my little experience.

I have a beautiful boy who will be 1 year old in march, and the only thing I knew for sure in my life was that I wanted to be a mother.

I prepared myself for the role for years (if you can even be prepared for this!!) reading books, babysitting and talking with other mothers, and inside me grown the idea of what kind of mother I will be.

A calm and mindful mama, a mother aware of her role. A kind of education I haven’t experienced in my life, and that is not very common where I live.

I think that in the last 10 years motherhood has throughly changed: unlike our grandmothers or mothers we choose to be mothers, and we can also choose

what kind of mother be, while once mothers were less aware of the result of their actions, and less interested in children education.

Not that they didn’t love their children, ofcorse, but I think they ask them self so little about what to do with children: they just do what their mothers have done with them.

Nowadays we have internet, we have so much informations about motherhood, we read blogs, we get in touch with other cultures.

And that is so good, but also very stressful. We have so many expectations for us and our lives, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed.

And yes, as you say, we have so little credit for our job. Or, at least, our job is payed every day with love, kisses and smiles of our little ones, which is the best pay I could ever ask for.

But society doesn’t exploit motherhood.

Before having my baby I worked full time, but after his birth I felt that I will not continue to work all day.

It would mean to stay away from my boy from 8 in the morning to 18.30 in the evening.

He will spend his whole day with someone else : someone else would see his smiles, someone else will hold him and get him to sleep, and it will be someone else’s face that he will see when he wakes up.

I could not bear this.

I asked for a time reduction (we could not afford to live with just my husband’s income) and they denied it. My boss said that mothers are not good at work, they are always at home because babies are sick, they are not focused anymore on work.

I was at a crossroad: work full time, or quit my job.

I decided to quit.

And nobody, except my husband, were at my side. Every person I talked about thought that I was wrong, that I made a huge mistake and that I will never find a part time job.

Nobody understood my reasons, as simple as they were: I just wanted to stay with my baby. I didn’t give him birth to let him grow without me.

I know that so many mothers do that, and I think that is so very sad.

When I heard your words on Instagram I just thought about this: it is true. The work of a mother is underestimated.

If a woman choose to be a mother and stay with her children is automatically a failed. Our society wants us to be working mothers, perfect mothers and loving partners.

I think that is a big trap.

Society doesn’t understand how important our everyday work is: we are growing the next generation, and if we want them to be better than us we should work on that.

This is what I think, and I’m sorry that I’ve wrote so much, but I think that you can understand what I mean.”

I found out she is also a blogger and you can check her out at :

mindfulmammablog.blogspot.it

I hope you can find comfort in her words in case you are in the same position. I believe mothers are the best workers because we handle so much in a short time. We accomplish a lot each day. It is very unfair that if we take some time off work to raise our children that we get penalized and have trouble finding a job later on in life.. Being a mother is a good thing, In fact we need more mothers for the big jobs. I would love to see more mothers as presidents, nothing has stopped us thus far. I hope to see this change in our world. Criticize each other less and push forward. Look up and far – just go there!

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

February 23, 2017February 23, 2017

SUPPORT FOR MOTHERS

If there is one thing I understand about being a mother it’s that without a doubt, one of the most underestimated jobs there is. Especially because it’s one of the most important ones. We are raising the future, we are raising the next generation, we are raising human beings and they better be good ones so they can help us change the world! (we could really use some help with this these days)

A mother carries a lot of pressure to be a multitasking supermom/hero with little to no support.

When I took time off from work to be at home with my son and then just 1 year and 8 months later my second son appeared people would often comment, “ah ok, you are JUST a stay home mom!” Give me a little head tilt to one side and say,

” ah, good for you” and then move right along with the conversation. The shocking part was that most times these phrases came from women – full time working mothers at that. These were mothers who started working right after giving birth, only 3 weeks to a few months later. I am almost positive if they’d had the proper support to stay home with their babies they would have taken this opportunity. It might have been a sense of guilt they carried in not being able to JUST be a mother for that time period and be at peace. This breaks my heart. A mother who would love to be able to JUST stay home and take care of her newborn. Newborns need their mothers and we need to be able to provide that. Truthfully this topic makes me quite emotional.

Life sometimes seems to be a race between adults competing for the title of , “who is living the best life” and Ibelieve our children aresuffering because of this. They are left in daycare or with a nanny at only 3 months of age and sometimes even younger. Working mothers, you know I respect you and please do not misunderstand what I’m saying. My one and only point is that our society should be supporting US a lot more in the early years of our children’s lives just as in the latter years. To have the opportunity to work, but also be able to give our children our time. If we had more women in politics and higher positions, managing our society and so on I strongly believe this would be fixed. As women we are naturally stronger than men and able to juggle and multitask much better.

As most of you know, I am from Iceland. This is a country where mothers get extremely good support in comparison to many other countries. Generally speaking, a mother stays home for about the first 9 months of her child’s life but with little monthly pay. Although this does depend on the salary and position she has or if she was studying. Sadly, most of the time this pay is very far from enough to be able to keep a family afloat, but at least it is something. There is much room for improvement and I hope to see financial and emotional support for mothers increase in the near future.

I am sure almost every mother would love to stay home with her newborn, at least for the first 9 months of his/her life and then slowly prepare for a return back to work. I believe there is something very wrong with our system if this isn’t possible.

Motherhood is a constant multitask and your mind is never quiet. We always feel guilty and if something goes wrong we always blame ourselves. It can be emotionally exhausting. Then of course it’s also the most amazing job because we love our children so much and every single moment is so unique and special, even if most days seem completely the same. We should be paid and supported during early motherhood. Somehow I am sure if men would carry children and have to breastfeed they might have more time off from work to recover and spend time with their babies. If mothers and families in general would have more support from our society, I strongly believe our world would be a much better place. Children would be happier because mother is happy. She also may allow herself to be proud of JUST being a stay at home mom and not feel constantly judged or less of a person because of it. Therefore the father is content and the whole family is more at ease and peace. The whole familial atmosphere may feel calmer.

Having a young family is hard. You are handed this with little to no support, a whole new life and you as a mother and father become new people. I know this is how it has been for generations, so this should come natural to us. In many cases it does, but sometimes it doesn’t and there shouldn’t be shame associated with this….we are human. Even to mothers who are able to adapt naturally to this change and feel entirely blessed in their new role, parenthood can still prove to be a shock and still requires much needed support. It is extremely important for a new mother and father to be each other’s rock throughout the process.

This little new person is now yours and the responsibility falls on both mother and father. It’s very important to stick together and stand by each other. If you constantly see your partner making an effort then you will feel better and even more loved and so will your baby. Although your baby is small it understands every emotion in the household.

This topic is sensitive, but it’s also burning in many mothers’ hearts. I feel that it’s time to open this topic without judgement. Simply be able to support each other without fear of criticism. Take small and important steps to make our children’s world and ours better. The question is what can we do to make this change??

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

February 10, 2017December 14, 2023

SKIN TO SKIN – KANGAROO THERAPY

My first son was born here in Italy about 5 weeks earlier than his due date. He came fast and unexpected and for this reason some water was trapped in his lungs. He needed instant care, followed by an incubator for about two and half weeks. This obviously broke my heart, but I knew I needed to go into power-mode and stay stronger than ever to fight with and for him so he’d get better faster. The story is long and deep about how the whole thing happened and it has given me much pain and sadness. The fact that that my baby boy was left alone the first two and half weeks of his life is indescribable.This was not what we had planned, alone without his mother for 19 hours a day, as I was only allowed to visit him for 5 hours daily. And I’d lose a further 40 mins. time because I had to pump breast milk during those 5 hours. This made me super angry to say the least. I was not allowed to see my newborn son when I wanted to. And I now know that this is illegal in many other countries, including m deca durabolin home country of Iceland. A child is to never beseparated from his mother during this important period. The baby needs to feel his/her mother close now more than ever! The mother may sit on a chair next to her baby whenever she wants. In some places she will also be provided with a cot so she never has to leave her newborn’s side. This is a story I will gladly share with you in another post.

At this time, I would like to tell you about experience with kangaroo therapy. After this tough period when I arrived home, I practiced this a lot and it’s so special to see how my babies seem to go into another state of relaxation and comfort during these moments.

During my hospital stay there were many very different types of people I encountered. Some of the hospital staff members were incredibly kind and supportive and then there were some who seemed to care much care less. To be honest, I think they were just not very nice people I remember one special woman would always tell me to undress, take my son and let him rest on me for a while with skin to skincontact. She told me that would help his condition improve and I could see the numbers on the machine steadily go up during these intimate moments that we were connected together. I would sing softly to him and pray from the deepest part of my heart that he would get better. The moments were simply magical and I still remember exactly how his skin felt and smelled as if it were yesterday. When we arrived home I continued kangaroo therapy in our daily routine for a long time. We would also take baths together where he would lie on my chest and just drift off to sleep. Also, under the covers after drinking my milk I would let him nap lying on my belly or chest – skin to skin. Often times he’d get into the fetal position and I realized it was because he felt safe and relaxed.

When my second son was born I was blessed with the delivery of my dreams, which I will gladly share in a later post as well. He rested with me naked – skin to skin for almost 24 hours after the delivery. It seemed to give him the same feeling of safety. He’d inhale so deeply and make this wonderful sound every now and then while exhaling. Now he is 1 1/2 and I still do this from time to time, especially when he is not feeling his best or also when he is in need of a good cuddle or a hug. I do this and he is relaxed in a matter of seconds.

If you are a mother of a small baby or expecting, I could not recommend this skin to skin kangaroo therapy to you enough, please give it a try if you haven’t already. I know many mothers are doing this which is simply wonderful. A beautiful experience for both mother and her baby. As new mothers we seem to be extremely busy, our time flies and before we know it it’s midday and we haven’t even brushed our teeth yet! I found this therapy so lovely to make space for even when there is laundry to wash and fold, dishes in the sink and dirty diapers to throw in the trash. This can all wait as you are a 100% allowed to relax with your little new baby just to cuddle him/her. This time will not come back so enjoy it while you can. Give your self time to adjust into this new life role. You don’t need to be perfect you just need to be real. And in my experience, especially when I reminisce, I do treasure these moments as the most special and I wish I would have done it even more.

If kangaroo therapy is new to you and you’d like to find out more you can read about it here on, http://www.kangaroomothercare.com/ or browse the internet. There are plenty of useful articles concerning this topic. You may also use a baby wrap – basically wrap your baby on you so it creates the same feeling as if he/she was still inside your belly. Plus, you will have your hands free for doing things around the home and your baby will remain comfortable. It may also help to release colic or gas in babies. I found it useful for my second son who sometimes experienced upset stomachs. A short walk in a baby wrap helped him to release the cramps immediately – he would fart the whole time, no joke! 🙂

I’d really like to dedicate this post to all the mothers and babies who have been or are in this situation now. In many cases this lasts not weeks, but months. During my hospital stay there was a couple who had their baby there for 6 months already. I know we were lucky and in the end all is well that ends well and for this I am forever grateful.

I send a strong hug and much love to all the mothers out there going through this.

Love JM

January 26, 2017January 26, 2017

A DAY WITH FRANCESCA

On one of the brightest and sunniest Saturdays of January, I had the pleasure of visiting Francesca and her beautiful twins. A boy named Gregorio and a girl named Mathilde.

As I arrived to her home she welcomed me in with a huge smile and told me that her husband had taken the kids outside and would be home in just a few minutes. They had gone out for some fresh air and a bit of play at her local park.

Upon their return, I noticed three more big smiles and was even more excited to hear their story and the secret behind the happiness they all seemed to share.

I soon learned that Francesca and her husband were eternally grateful because after 5 years of struggling to conceive with almost no hope left and a lot of exhaustion, the twins chose to arrive.

So after two years of dating you guys chose to have a baby, how did that go for you?

I had recently lost my father so we kind of chose to celebrate life again by having a baby and starting a family. We tried for a year without any pregnancy and the second year we went to a famous doctor here in Milan that wanted to operate on me to see what the problem was. I was 28 at the time and having surgery was just crazy to me, so I said no. Then after some researching of good doctors we finally found one that we just had a great connection with and started the classical process of IVF. After 5 years of this I was completely destroyed, full of hormones and I hardly recognized myself and was fearful about my own health. I had kind of given up and settled my mind that I would be a great aunt and second mom to my friends’ children.

My husband and my doctor then asked me if I was willing to try one more time and I agreed.

Well on November 7, 2013 we discovered we were expecting twins!

Wow, how did you take the news?

First we cried and laughed back and fourth for awhile staring at the paper. Although, I have to admit we were also a bit scared because you never know how the first few months will be. We felt extremely LUCKY and blessed – we were having two babies! Believe me I just cried tears of happiness for a few days.

So between you guys how was it after all this effort and stress?

He is just the love of my life. I would marry him over and over again.

How was the pregnancy? How was it carrying twins?

The first three months was hard because I had to take hormones to maintain the pregnancy because if it they aren’t produced naturally it might be hard to maintain the pregnancy. So I was really, really tired and then I had a check-up with my doctor every 10 days. After that I had very good pregnancy but towards the very end I had high blood pressure.

Were you ever scared of the delivery?

No (she says firmly), I always knew inside of me that I would and could be able to give birth naturally. But my doctor told me no, too much pressure and he wanted to be there when I delivered. He said it was too risky and that we had to schedule a
c-section. No matter what he said, I just somehow knew I was going to be able to do it myself so I asked if I could at least give it a try. I mean I would be at the hospital and if it didn’t work I could just deliver my babies via c-section. So we made a compromise that I would have a c-section scheduled in case anything happened but at least I’d first give it a try on my own.

Then one day I was sitting here on my couch and boom my water broke, like a whole river! But I was completely calm and happy and ready to make my body work it’s magic. I called my doctor and he told me to take my time, have a shower and come on over when ready. When I arrived at the hospital, the surgery room was ready for me but I refused because I really wanted to at least try, so I kept on insisting. Obviously, if me or my babies were in danger they could then perform a c- section; I am not crazy!

Delivery of twins is usually a bit faster because there is more pressure because they are in two. Then they told me Mathilde was not in the correct position and was stuck to one side. An obstetrician arrived and was supposed to massage my belly to try and move her a bit, but she dug her elbow so strong that she ended up breaking two of my ribs. Therefore, I was in labor with two broken ribs and had a bit of a hard time taking deep breaths. At that point, they told me I had to have a c-section but my feeling at the time and to this day is that I would have been able to do this on my own a 100%. If I had the right person who could have helped me with love and true care, I do strongly believe I would have done so. I mean I waited 6 year for this and that was the best part but it’s okay, they are here now and I am eternally grateful.

So what happened next? Did Enrico stay with you in the c-section?

He walked me over to the room but the problem here in Italy is that husbands are not allowed to stay with their partners during c-sections as they can in the rest of Europe or America. This made us really sad. He had to stay on the other side of a window, so truthfully we were not able to support each other. Then after the c-section, I saw each of my babies for a quick second and then they took them in another room and sewed me back together. No one in the room asked me how I was or how my babies were doing – nothing, I was all alone. My dream was to stay a bit with my husband and two babies together to understand that in this important moment we had just become parents.

Did you want to breastfeed them?

Oh yes, absolutely. Finally a wonderful woman came in to my room and asked me if I wanted to breastfeed and she stayed with me for the next couple of days to help me get going with the feeding. I stayed in the electric machine for some hours and the milk just came and I was ready to feed the whole floor. I was so happy that at least I was able to do that. For awhile I just followed my babies needs, I was basically topless for three months always breast-feeding. If there is a will there’s a way, even if they come in two. This was really a wonderful moment to be able to breast-feed. Sometimes they would both drink at the same time 🙂

Did you have any extra help?

Yes, my grandmother and their great-grandmother came here and stayed with us and helped me and she is 80 years old. Amazing! She was just incredible, she helped me a lot. Took the babies out for a walk in the morning so I could rest and take a shower.

You are a working mother now, how long did you stay home with the babies?

I stayed home with them the first 6 months and then my first year of work I just worked mornings from 9-13. It was so hard to leave them, I cried every time.

Where do you work?

I work for Jimmy Choo – in the fashion industry, and have been doing that for a long time, before this I was working for Valentino. I love it but now that I’m a mother my dreams are changing a little bit. Maybe later on in life, I would love to be an event planner. I love organizing parties and seeing everyone together and happy. This way I can own my time and stay more with the twins.

For how long did you breast-feed?

For 8 months, Gregorio kind of lost interest about that time but Mathilde would have wanted to breast-feed for longer. And I had so much breast milk in the freezer so she was able to drink it from her bottle for a long time.

How did it go when you gave them food?

To be honest, not well and in that moment I felt like a failure. Their doctor told me that at 6 months I had to start feeding them solids but they didn’t want it. No matter what I made, they spit it out and the food was more on the walls then in their stomachs. I guess they were just not ready. I really tried everything from fresh food to jar food. The doctor even suggested meat and fish in powder form to put in their food! Sounds gross, right?

In this period I cried so much I was under so much pressure from the doctor but my babies just did not want food. I suppose they just wanted to breast-feed for a bit longer. Then I took a little break and tried again later and that worked much better. Of course doctors’ instructions are important but as you say in your blog, I guess every mother has to listen to her own child and her own instincts. We all might have different needs.

How about you guys, do you try and stay healthy food wise?

Yes, we definitely do especially since we have become parents. I feel a responsibility towards taking good care of my own health since I became a mother. I need to be up to each task for the children and need to live a long and healthy life with them. We like to try new things, right now we are drinking hot water with lemon each morning and eating more fruit.

How is your marriage going now after you had kids?

Well I focus on picking and choosing my battles in a relationship. I try to avoid fights over toothpaste and silly things like that. Or when I ask him to pass me something from the kitchen and he asks me where it is I respond with, ” the same spot it has been for the past 10 years”! I rethink and realize it is not worth fighting over. I think about all we have been through in these past 11 years together and I realize he is just the love of my life. I would marry him over and over again.

Do you do something special to maintain the chemistry?

Once a month we go out for dinner, cinema or something. Just a moment for us, where we are not allowed to talk about the kids. A moment dedicated to just us and the relationship.

Do you every lose your patience with the kids?

No, not really. I really work a lot so during the time I get to spend with the kids I really want it to be quality time. I do think maybe I yell more at Enrico instead 🙂 Especially in the morning when we are all getting ready to go out for the day. Usually at around 10:30ish I will call him to apologize for my yelling 🙂

I would like to thank Francesca for sharing her motherhood story with us. It was really a pleasure to meet her and her beautiful family. I love how every story at some point gives me so many goosebumps and even tears in my eyes.

I appreciate her honesty and hope this will be of comfort or encouragement to a mother out there. I wish you all the best of luck 🙂

– Love JM

January 21, 2017October 25, 2018

WE ARE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY

What an extremely exciting time when a couple in-love makes the decision to create a life together. For some it comes easily and for many others it proves difficult or even impossible. The reasons for this can be many. As always it depends on the individual and if there are any issues with her ovaries or his semen. Remember that lifestyle plays a huge part in this equation and is a very important factor. You should think about the answer to the following questions: Are you sleeping well? Is there stress that you are currently dealing with? Do you make poor choices when it comes to food? Also, last but definitely not least , do you smoke or consume too much alcohol?

When trying to conceive it feels like the pressure is mostly on the woman to take good care of herself due to the fact that the baby will be growing inside of her. This is true and she should take extra steps to ensure good health for herself and that of her unborn child. Women must eat good, fresh and clean foods. When I say clean, I mean homemade or at least not processed factory made junk. This is because you would not believe how many companies out there put so much extra CRAP (excuse my language) in their products, even ones who claim to be “Organic”. Organic does not equal healthy anymore due to the fact that many brands use the word as a marketing ploy; it works and we are suffering because of it.

Along with eating well, a good night’s sleep is also extremely necessary. Our bodies must rest to restore our system for the next day and prepare for what’s to come. A restful, deep sleep also reduces stress levels in our body and boosts our mood and sense of calm.

Exercise is also very important as it helps your body self-regulate by increasing circulation throughout it which helps a great deal. By exercising you reduce stress levels which help you to sleep better.Exercise also causes cravings for healthier more nutritious food. In the end all these factors help you to reach new and better life choices.

It is super important to give your body the tools it needs to function at it’s best.

The above doesn’t apply only to women. Men that are trying to impregnate their partners need to provide healthy and strong sperm. Many men think that they don’t have to quit smoking, eat well or that they can sit at a desk all day without moving their bodies. This could not be further from the truth. Once a couple has made the decision to conceive together they then both have to take a closer look at their lifestyles. I mean we should all give ourselves the gift of a healthy life even if we are not trying to have a baby. Maybe the baby thing is a good excuse and will give you motivation to make a change to better your health and life.

In doing all the above, might I add that your goal should not be to become skinny. You should not be on a low-fat or fat free food diet. Your body needs fat to survive, this applies especially to women. Our hormonal system requires fat so it can function strong and well. Regular menstruation without too much pain is what we want. If this is out of balance we experience painful cramps, too heavy of a flow and irregularity. Our brains and babies need fat to grow and develop.

Breast milk is very fattening and those of you who’ve breastfed might have noticed extra fat around the circle on your upper back. Don’t worry once you stop feeding thatdisappears on it’s own, so do your best to embrace and be proud of it because you are doing an amazing job 🙂

Fat is not the enemy but make sure to eat only good fats such as:

– Nuts and seeds : almonds, macadamia, walnuts, hazelnuts, pumpkin seeds, hemp-seeds and sesame seeds.

– Avocado

– Coconut ( if you have it fresh that is always best). * I add 100% Organic coconut milk to many foods I prepare such as soup.

– Fish * Make sure you are buying wild, fresh fish and of high quality. Stay away from shell fish and bottom feeders. From time to time I do love a good, tasty Salmon. As a person that comes from Iceland, I truly do know a thing or two about good fish 🙂

Well take this all in and think about if any of my advice could be of use to you; I truly do hope so. I know it can be hard and frustrating when you are waiting for something to happen and every month you are disappointed. Don’t give up. Protect your love and the passion that you have towards each other – it is important. Be kind to yourself and your body, you deserve it.

love, JM

January 9, 2017January 11, 2017

WHEN YOU ARE MAKING A NEST

If there is a time to be as healthy as you can and to take steps towards good care of yourself it is when you are pregnant or trying to conceive. We are talking about food, stress, emotions, love and exercise.

I am sorry to break the news but you are not eating for two. You will slowly need to add more calories into your diet of course, but good calories that provide you with energy and nutrition to build a healthy pregnancy and strong baby. The ideal foods are vegetables, fruit, nuts,seeds and lean protein. You might experience some cravings , although not all women do, but they might misguide you towards thinking all you need to eat is sugar and bad carbs but it’s just your body’s way of telling you that it is starved of proper nutrients and you will need to eat a more balanced diet that will keep your blood sugar steady. This will ensure that you are getting all you need to be ready to go through the most healthy pregnancy, delivery and breastfeeding possible. This will include clean eating, buying fresh ingredients from your local health food store (when possible organic is always preferable). Prepare your own food on most days, you can always make plenty and freeze it for a later date if you are short on time. My favorite go to meal is soup! Super easy and you can just load up on all the healthy things you need , make sure they are all seasonal though. Follow your instinct, eat sensibly and take good care of your body, mind and soul. You are creating a baby. You are a Goddess. If there is ever a moment to treat yourself well and feel the best way possible it is NOW.

Practice yoga, pilates, swim and walk. Keep moving and glowing. I understand it can be overwhelming and exhausting at times but you deserve only the very best. If you are expecting your first child please enjoy every single moment and take it as it is. You will never be pregnant with your first child again, this is truly a new experience. Relax and explore your feminine powers they are incredible

love, JM