MOTHER WORLD Archives - Page 3 of 3

May 27, 2017

WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT

It was close to Christmas and the news was covered with photos of children in circumstances that NO child should EVER have to face. My heart was completely and entirely broken. It made me so angry, sad and furious that this was actually happening and taking place because of actions made by us humans. I posed a simple question on Facebook trying to find out how I could be of help to these children? How could I make a difference? I was contacted by one of the lovely women who work for, “Support Syrian Children”. This is a non-profit organization who travels back and forth to Turkey and Jordan assisting children and their families during these horrible times. They’ve brought first aid goods to different camps once a month for the past 4 years.

I have organized several events to garner donations to Support Syrian Children but it still didn’t feel like enough. One of my missions with my Mothers Spell website is to help feed and provide for children who have nothing and nobody. After one of our meetings I was haunted by the thought of all these children wandering the streets alone, meanwhile my kids were asleep safe and sound in their beds. During these many sleepless nights, I came up with the idea of building an orphanage. I am very happy to report that this is has now come into fruition. On May 30th I will be taking my first trip with Arianna, President of “SupportSyrian Children”, to search for a good, spacious home that can accommodate as many children as possible. It is in our hopes that this will be the first orphanage of many that we raise together. We will need to find amazing people with beautiful souls to work there and give these children the love and care they so greatly deserve but have been starved of. During this trip we will also bring first-aid supplies to various camps.

So I ask of you, if you are in a position to donate please do. Or you can send us an email with any loving messages you have for the kids which we will then paint onto one of the walls in our orphanage. We need to surround them with love, care and hope. We will do our best and we would love to get you involved.
I will report back once I am home from my trip and will share photos of this process and how your contributions have helped. I believe that together we can help to support each other and accomplish incredible things, unfortunately alone we can not get as far.

Children8
IBAN IT89V0521651680000000090881

Love JM

Photo credit Andrea Palmucci

May 14, 2017May 16, 2017

MOTHER’S DAY

I always wanted to be a mother, I looked forward to being a mother and I planned to be amazing at it. I thought it would be so beautiful, easy and natural. I had a strict idea of which kind ofmother I was going to be. I would never ever yell. I would have all the patience in the world. I would just kiss, hug and cuddle my children all day everyday. Give them massages daily. My children would just fall asleep on their own in their cribs. Always sleep through the night. Behave in restaurants. Sit still on trains and airplanes. They would never ever misbehave in public, so I’d never have to feel embarrassed. I would have around six children. I was going to rock motherhood. My children would never scream on the street or run away from me. Just walk by my side and hold my hand. It seemed that motherhood would make my life complete.

I have four younger brothers and I took a big part in raising two of them, as I lived mostly with my mother in my early teenage years. My other two brothers are from my dad and I did help babysit them as well . I greatly enjoyed being a big sister to all of them. Anyway, I have a very modern complicated family. We are all very close and everyone is friends…on most days 🙂

My mother was a single mother orindependent mother – I prefer to use this phrase. She had three children and was so strong and obviously had to work a lot to be able to put food on our table. I helped her with the boys. I refused a babysitter as she would have to pay for it, so I gladly made the choice to help her. I was very young then about 12 years old, now I suppose times are different for children that age. After the experience with my brothers and always loving children and doing baby-sitting jobs throughout my teenage years I thought I was so well prepared for motherhood. Easy peasy. Plus, I had grown up and become an adult quite fast, but many people have stories like these.

I do LOVE being the mother of my children, but I had no idea it would be so hard! Sometimes it is simply not what I had planned. My kids scream sometimes on the street and cry in public. It is so uncomfortable and every mother’s nightmare as people look at you thinking somehow this is your fault and you are a bad mom. At least this is how I feel when it happens to me. I now know children are children and we are just humans. I got the feeling at some point that I try and give all I have to my little men. After days of cooking, cleaning, hugging, brushing, bathing, cutting nails, wiping poo, picking up the amazing food I prepare from the floor, waking up a 100 times in just one night, breastfeeding and the list keeps on growing. What I can say about all this is, yes this is life, at least for some of us.

If I saw another positive sign on a pregnancy test , I would be ecstatic! I would probably cry tears of happiness. Being a mother takes your life away and gives you a new one. You will never be the same. From now on you are a rock star. Super woman. You did it and you do all this everyday. Mothers should be friends, we are all on the same side even if none of us are the same type ofmother. We can all help each other instead of judging. Sometimes we cannot see straight from all the exhaustion and chaos happening around us. We can also not see straight because we are drunk off PURE LOVE and total happiness. When our children tell us they love us and give us a hug. When I tell my son I am taking him to the park to play, just the two of us together, and he jumps up and belts out a, “YES!!” With his face full of excited smiles. Well then it all becomes worth it and it is.

I guess I am trying to say a goodMother is the best, learn from your mistakes – it is okay to make them as they help us grow. Mothers are strong and they know how to fight. I see women like my mother who do everything on their own. Think about which kind of parent you want to be. Which kind of mother do you wish you had? Mindful parenting will raise mindful children.

Today is Mother’s Day and Mothers Spell along with Call Me Spa would like to treat one lucky mother to a home massage in Milano. To thank her for all her hard work, love and care. Every mother has tired shoulders and deserves a treat. Dad can take the kids to the park or when the children are at school you can rest in your own home. Call Me Spa will come over with their table so you can receive an amazing massage and after take a little nap to keep your relaxation going 🙂 Mothers Spell will send you a little surprise as well.

Here is what to do:

Share this post and tag another mom whom you think might like to receive this gift and leave a comment, even a few words, about what motherhood means to you.
If you have Facebook: like the page Mothers Spell
If you have Instagram: follow Mothers Spell profile

You have time until midnight on Sunday 14/05
The most significant comment will be rewarded, the one that strikes me the most.
One lucky winner will be contacted privately (with a message on Facebook or Instagram) on Tuesday 16/05.
Take this gift, you deserve it.

Love, JM

April 30, 2017October 25, 2018

INTERVIEW WITH AKI

Tell me a bit about your pregnancy? How was that experience for you?

I had a bit of morning sickness. I always felt like I might vomit the first few months which for me was hard because I really love food, so I was pissed that it would make me sick. Especially because I was in Sicily and the cuisine is so good and very intense. My cravings were for Japanese comfort food and also Ligurian food. My husband’s mother’s family comes from Liguria so I am accustomed to their food and it is light. Suddenly after the first three months passed I was better. Also, I do believe I was a bit boring, you can say I am a person who does not really love being pregnant. I mean there are many women who really truly adore being pregnant I guess but I am not one of those women. What I do enjoy though is being a mother.

How was your delivery?

Well he never turned upside down in my belly, he was always upright and I tried everything! Took two classes on birth and delivery, rubs and massages and so on, but I knew two months before the due date that I would have to have a C-section. At least that took the pressure off of having a natural delivery. I guess if I had really, really cared and been super strong and insisted on a natural birth delivery then I could have, maybe… who knows? I am a practical person and I just do what needs to be done. I guess it depends on each individuals desire.

How was the feeling when you met Mattia?

I remember I thought he was extremely good looking 🙂 A good looking healthy little boy.

How was hospital experience for you?

It was in Zurich and my husband is Italian, so if you ask him he says it was like being at a 5 star hotel. I had the opposite feeling…for me it was a bit too much, every 20 minutes to a half hour a nurse would enter asking if I needed something etc etc… I just wanted to be alone and have some peace. Actually one woman became angry with me because she wanted to talk and talk about her experiences, but I just wanted to rest and be alone so she was quite annoyed with me – ahahahah. I had the feeling she was not extremely intelligent anyway so I just wanted some peace and quiet.

( Aki takes a break to give us a real traditional green tea, from a town in South Japan where her grandmother comes from which btw, lived until 102 years old. Aki says in Italy people can brag and have intense conversations about olive oil or mozzarella, but in Japan the topic will be green tea. Many conversations can go on about which hometown has the best green tea. I must say that the green tea I tried from Aki’s grandmother’s town was the best one I have ever had to date.)

Did you breastfeed?

Yes, for seven and a half months. I never had a super lot of milk though, I had to work hard on maintaining it. Lots of tea drinking and eating well and in abundance. It definitely is a lovely period and I know how fortunate I am to have been able to do it. It’s also just so convenient, but the down side is that the dad can not really not help very much. It was like an excuse for my husband to say, ” oh no, he needs you it’s physical” ( Aki laughs while recalling this )

What was Mattia’s first food after breast milk?

If I am remembering correctly, Ibelieve it was an apple. I always prefer making my own food, but of course going out from time to time is lovely as well. In general I just really love food and cooking. For Mattia it just made the most sense to make it fresh myself each time, my mother did this for me, so I do the same for him.

What is your favorite thing about being a mother?

Very good question and I was actually thinking about that the other day, but it is difficult to answer. One of the greatest things is that I feel through him, so it’s like childhood allover again. I am also so proud that I created a human.

What is that most difficult thing about being a mother?

Making him fall asleep, it can really piss me off in a way you know? Like I can get so frustrated. I feel often like I am somebody’s total punching bag, which I understand because I used my mother as my punching bag. A very interesting fact that I’d like to point out is that l was raised more by my father not my mother. My mother was the worker.

So I must say since we are friends and I have the privilege to having tasted your food, do you think your husband knows how lucky he is to have a wife that is such a great chef?

Mmm…, I think he might forget, but I think every man forgets how amazing his girlfriend or wife is to be honest. He was also raised without siblings, so I believe in general people who grow up as only children are raised a bit different.

What is your favorite dish to cook at home for your family?

The first important thing for me when I cook is to see what’s in season. I really follow the seasons when it comes to food. Now I have been into Monks beard. I must say I am also very influenced by Italian food. Since I am living here in Italy now, I’ve been exploring many new (“old”) recipes.

How is it you to be 1/2 Japanese in Italy?

It is a very, very interesting experience honestly, maybe I can compare it to being a black man in Asia. Most people assume I am Chinese. For example, once I was walking with my son ( note I am half Swiss, half Japanese and my husband is Italian) so my son is a mix. A man around 45 years of age once asked me if I was only a baby-sitter or if I cleaned houses as well. I would maybe understand a bit better if this was an older man, but a 45 year old… I just don’t know what to think. In 2017 people from everywhere are everywhere.

How is the love story between you and Francesco?

We went to the same Japanese school and I saw him in the outdoor area of the school one day as he was playing soccer. He was playing very intensively and in Japan you rarely see people misbehaving. But as I am very rebellious, I was able to see in him the same which was in me so I started a conversation with him. We became friends, about three years later we met in Paris and we became “friends with benefits”, never expecting anything from each other for about 6 years. Then once he came to visit me in Zurich and we started to consider the possibility of being more then just “friends with benefits”. After three years of dating exclusively we married.

So you are a working mother now, you have your own company. How do you balance your time?

Actually, in my case very conveniently. I can organize my own schedule. I feel very lucky to have a job. I contribute Japanese products to European shops. I started with lots of bags and now I have many other products, like accessories, wallets, handmade dolls for kids and this year I started also with porcelain. All direct sales of my web shop – japanproxy.ch – where all my products are available to everyone.

Do you want to have more children?

I am at about 67% yes, but I am also very fine with one. I would love to see Mattia with a sibling, but I am also 37 going on 38 so I guess I don’t have much more time.

Is there something very important to you in raising a child?

I try to be very open minded on what is important and what is not. I think for me personally, I would like him to be a happy person that really enjoys life, but I guess this is very personal. I am a very excited mother, I love to show him animals and I get more excited than him most times. I love painting and coloring with him. I really feel like I am a child again with him.

You and your husband are both very artistic and creative right?

Yes, I guess so. In the past, I was a photographer and a florist. We both like art and we go to museums often. We are also into languages and both speak 5 languages. Actually my husband almost 6. Mattia hears 4 languages spoken at home – Swiss-German, Italian, English and Japanese.

Can I ask you what is the most difficult thing for a couple when becoming parents?

It is so difficult to have conversation. There are so many periods that children love screaming or crying, it is also a way to torture people, just screaming at people for hours and hours. Sometimes Mattia just wants attention over and over and we cannot do anything else, I feel like our conversations are always interrupted.

Where do you like to buy Mattia’s clothes?

I mostly prefer second hand shops because kids grow so fast. Plus, I just cannot ( I try to avoid supporting companies such as H&M or Zara.. etc.) support H&M or Zara etc.. I really respect designers, environment and little independent companies.

What is your favorite thing about living in Milano ?

I am going to have to say Chinatown here is very unique and cool. I really like it. It is a mixture of main island Chinese and European culture. Also, Milano is very geographically convenient, an international city with departure gates to the world.

Since you are a woman with ambition and very positive energy and have opened my eyes in so many ways I wonder if there is anything you might like to add for our lovely readers?

Well there is a saying that our children are the future, so yes 🙂

I guess customer awareness, where products are made etc.. Check the tag ‘’ Made in …? ’’

Our grandparents still purchased high quality products, which we are happy to inherit because they had and still have value. Not anymore with our generations way of shopping. What we buy is landing in the trash. We invest little and let the garbage hill grow higher. Let’s change our habits into ‘’ Buy less and value more’’ for our children and their future.

Good products as in our grandparents time still exist and are produced, but we will not find them at H&M, Zara nor any (other similar) affordable shops . Indeed it is products which are more or even very expensive http://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/ skip to 8 min on the video, where it explains that things cannot be that cheap without screwing up the 3rd world (or other places), but investing in something more precious can give us a whole new appreciation of things. And you can pass it down to your grand-kids.

I started to distribute products from Japan. A country where the high quality of manufacturing production is an essential part of the culture, and above all, human and workers rights are respected and there is no child labor involved.

I would like especially like to thank Aki, for her honesty on motherhood. Honesty always takes courage. I find comfort and inspiration in her words and ways. I wish you and your beautiful family all the best. In case you are interested in viewing her Japanese products you may find them all here at, japanproxy.ch

Have a great weekend

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

March 1, 2017March 1, 2017

MOTHERHOOD LETTER

A week ago I was in London for a Mother’s Spell project. I had to travel there and stay the weekend to attend a few meetings and this meant I was alone for a whole weekend without my little family. How strange that was! Completely amazing at first but so confusing at the same time. I had no idea what to do with myself. I would start walking and then turn around, change directions and try to make some plans on how to spend my day . I had no idea what to do with my time since there weren’t any of the usual constraints on it. After the first afternoon of walking, thinking and coming up with ideas for Mother’s Spell I started to think about my own family and realized the strongest thing on my mind was “motherhood”. How much mothers do each day and have done for years and years.

It got me thinking of my two grandmothers that are completely amazing and worked so hard all their life. One raised 5 children and the other one 4 with just over a year between each child. They stayed home and worked out of the house as well. They are both so strong and understanding of everything I speak to them about. They give the best advice and when I ask them questions about how they did all they did, they both smile so beautifully and with a distant look in their eye say, ” Johanna, I have no idea I just did what needed to be done”. This is what we are all still doing. Every mother in the whole world. My grandmothers have both fought for women rights through the years by teaching us how to be good human beings and how to make the most out of each moment, loving us and telling stores of how things used to be years ago. Hearing their stories and seeing how so much has changed towards women and mothers makes me want to keep fighting forward. There has been a huge shift already , but of course, there’s always room for improvement. I feel that they are so beautiful and powerful for everything they’ve done.

My own mother is so strong and did so much on her own without a man by her side. Everything she has accomplished was by sheer hard work. I know there are many women out there with men by their sides, but at the end of the day they are the ones who run the household – the woman, a mother.

While in my room that Saturday morning in London I was thinking and trying to jot down all my thoughts on paper. I made a little video onInstagram asking everyone for their own thoughts on motherhood and what it means. I received many beautiful emails and I thank you all so much for them, they were a great help. One email stood out from the rest and somehow it just got me, I could feel this mother’s feelings. I asked her if I could post it here and she said yes.

So here is her letter:

“I have just seen your video on Instagram, in which you talk about motherhood..and I decided to share my little experience.

I have a beautiful boy who will be 1 year old in march, and the only thing I knew for sure in my life was that I wanted to be a mother.

I prepared myself for the role for years (if you can even be prepared for this!!) reading books, babysitting and talking with other mothers, and inside me grown the idea of what kind of mother I will be.

A calm and mindful mama, a mother aware of her role. A kind of education I haven’t experienced in my life, and that is not very common where I live.

I think that in the last 10 years motherhood has throughly changed: unlike our grandmothers or mothers we choose to be mothers, and we can also choose

what kind of mother be, while once mothers were less aware of the result of their actions, and less interested in children education.

Not that they didn’t love their children, ofcorse, but I think they ask them self so little about what to do with children: they just do what their mothers have done with them.

Nowadays we have internet, we have so much informations about motherhood, we read blogs, we get in touch with other cultures.

And that is so good, but also very stressful. We have so many expectations for us and our lives, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed.

And yes, as you say, we have so little credit for our job. Or, at least, our job is payed every day with love, kisses and smiles of our little ones, which is the best pay I could ever ask for.

But society doesn’t exploit motherhood.

Before having my baby I worked full time, but after his birth I felt that I will not continue to work all day.

It would mean to stay away from my boy from 8 in the morning to 18.30 in the evening.

He will spend his whole day with someone else : someone else would see his smiles, someone else will hold him and get him to sleep, and it will be someone else’s face that he will see when he wakes up.

I could not bear this.

I asked for a time reduction (we could not afford to live with just my husband’s income) and they denied it. My boss said that mothers are not good at work, they are always at home because babies are sick, they are not focused anymore on work.

I was at a crossroad: work full time, or quit my job.

I decided to quit.

And nobody, except my husband, were at my side. Every person I talked about thought that I was wrong, that I made a huge mistake and that I will never find a part time job.

Nobody understood my reasons, as simple as they were: I just wanted to stay with my baby. I didn’t give him birth to let him grow without me.

I know that so many mothers do that, and I think that is so very sad.

When I heard your words on Instagram I just thought about this: it is true. The work of a mother is underestimated.

If a woman choose to be a mother and stay with her children is automatically a failed. Our society wants us to be working mothers, perfect mothers and loving partners.

I think that is a big trap.

Society doesn’t understand how important our everyday work is: we are growing the next generation, and if we want them to be better than us we should work on that.

This is what I think, and I’m sorry that I’ve wrote so much, but I think that you can understand what I mean.”

I found out she is also a blogger and you can check her out at :

mindfulmammablog.blogspot.it

I hope you can find comfort in her words in case you are in the same position. I believe mothers are the best workers because we handle so much in a short time. We accomplish a lot each day. It is very unfair that if we take some time off work to raise our children that we get penalized and have trouble finding a job later on in life.. Being a mother is a good thing, In fact we need more mothers for the big jobs. I would love to see more mothers as presidents, nothing has stopped us thus far. I hope to see this change in our world. Criticize each other less and push forward. Look up and far – just go there!

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

February 23, 2017February 23, 2017

SUPPORT FOR MOTHERS

If there is one thing I understand about being a mother it’s that without a doubt, one of the most underestimated jobs there is. Especially because it’s one of the most important ones. We are raising the future, we are raising the next generation, we are raising human beings and they better be good ones so they can help us change the world! (we could really use some help with this these days)

A mother carries a lot of pressure to be a multitasking supermom/hero with little to no support.

When I took time off from work to be at home with my son and then just 1 year and 8 months later my second son appeared people would often comment, “ah ok, you are JUST a stay home mom!” Give me a little head tilt to one side and say,

” ah, good for you” and then move right along with the conversation. The shocking part was that most times these phrases came from women – full time working mothers at that. These were mothers who started working right after giving birth, only 3 weeks to a few months later. I am almost positive if they’d had the proper support to stay home with their babies they would have taken this opportunity. It might have been a sense of guilt they carried in not being able to JUST be a mother for that time period and be at peace. This breaks my heart. A mother who would love to be able to JUST stay home and take care of her newborn. Newborns need their mothers and we need to be able to provide that. Truthfully this topic makes me quite emotional.

Life sometimes seems to be a race between adults competing for the title of , “who is living the best life” and Ibelieve our children aresuffering because of this. They are left in daycare or with a nanny at only 3 months of age and sometimes even younger. Working mothers, you know I respect you and please do not misunderstand what I’m saying. My one and only point is that our society should be supporting US a lot more in the early years of our children’s lives just as in the latter years. To have the opportunity to work, but also be able to give our children our time. If we had more women in politics and higher positions, managing our society and so on I strongly believe this would be fixed. As women we are naturally stronger than men and able to juggle and multitask much better.

As most of you know, I am from Iceland. This is a country where mothers get extremely good support in comparison to many other countries. Generally speaking, a mother stays home for about the first 9 months of her child’s life but with little monthly pay. Although this does depend on the salary and position she has or if she was studying. Sadly, most of the time this pay is very far from enough to be able to keep a family afloat, but at least it is something. There is much room for improvement and I hope to see financial and emotional support for mothers increase in the near future.

I am sure almost every mother would love to stay home with her newborn, at least for the first 9 months of his/her life and then slowly prepare for a return back to work. I believe there is something very wrong with our system if this isn’t possible.

Motherhood is a constant multitask and your mind is never quiet. We always feel guilty and if something goes wrong we always blame ourselves. It can be emotionally exhausting. Then of course it’s also the most amazing job because we love our children so much and every single moment is so unique and special, even if most days seem completely the same. We should be paid and supported during early motherhood. Somehow I am sure if men would carry children and have to breastfeed they might have more time off from work to recover and spend time with their babies. If mothers and families in general would have more support from our society, I strongly believe our world would be a much better place. Children would be happier because mother is happy. She also may allow herself to be proud of JUST being a stay at home mom and not feel constantly judged or less of a person because of it. Therefore the father is content and the whole family is more at ease and peace. The whole familial atmosphere may feel calmer.

Having a young family is hard. You are handed this with little to no support, a whole new life and you as a mother and father become new people. I know this is how it has been for generations, so this should come natural to us. In many cases it does, but sometimes it doesn’t and there shouldn’t be shame associated with this….we are human. Even to mothers who are able to adapt naturally to this change and feel entirely blessed in their new role, parenthood can still prove to be a shock and still requires much needed support. It is extremely important for a new mother and father to be each other’s rock throughout the process.

This little new person is now yours and the responsibility falls on both mother and father. It’s very important to stick together and stand by each other. If you constantly see your partner making an effort then you will feel better and even more loved and so will your baby. Although your baby is small it understands every emotion in the household.

This topic is sensitive, but it’s also burning in many mothers’ hearts. I feel that it’s time to open this topic without judgement. Simply be able to support each other without fear of criticism. Take small and important steps to make our children’s world and ours better. The question is what can we do to make this change??

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

January 26, 2017January 26, 2017

A DAY WITH FRANCESCA

On one of the brightest and sunniest Saturdays of January, I had the pleasure of visiting Francesca and her beautiful twins. A boy named Gregorio and a girl named Mathilde.

As I arrived to her home she welcomed me in with a huge smile and told me that her husband had taken the kids outside and would be home in just a few minutes. They had gone out for some fresh air and a bit of play at her local park.

Upon their return, I noticed three more big smiles and was even more excited to hear their story and the secret behind the happiness they all seemed to share.

I soon learned that Francesca and her husband were eternally grateful because after 5 years of struggling to conceive with almost no hope left and a lot of exhaustion, the twins chose to arrive.

So after two years of dating you guys chose to have a baby, how did that go for you?

I had recently lost my father so we kind of chose to celebrate life again by having a baby and starting a family. We tried for a year without any pregnancy and the second year we went to a famous doctor here in Milan that wanted to operate on me to see what the problem was. I was 28 at the time and having surgery was just crazy to me, so I said no. Then after some researching of good doctors we finally found one that we just had a great connection with and started the classical process of IVF. After 5 years of this I was completely destroyed, full of hormones and I hardly recognized myself and was fearful about my own health. I had kind of given up and settled my mind that I would be a great aunt and second mom to my friends’ children.

My husband and my doctor then asked me if I was willing to try one more time and I agreed.

Well on November 7, 2013 we discovered we were expecting twins!

Wow, how did you take the news?

First we cried and laughed back and fourth for awhile staring at the paper. Although, I have to admit we were also a bit scared because you never know how the first few months will be. We felt extremely LUCKY and blessed – we were having two babies! Believe me I just cried tears of happiness for a few days.

So between you guys how was it after all this effort and stress?

He is just the love of my life. I would marry him over and over again.

How was the pregnancy? How was it carrying twins?

The first three months was hard because I had to take hormones to maintain the pregnancy because if it they aren’t produced naturally it might be hard to maintain the pregnancy. So I was really, really tired and then I had a check-up with my doctor every 10 days. After that I had very good pregnancy but towards the very end I had high blood pressure.

Were you ever scared of the delivery?

No (she says firmly), I always knew inside of me that I would and could be able to give birth naturally. But my doctor told me no, too much pressure and he wanted to be there when I delivered. He said it was too risky and that we had to schedule a
c-section. No matter what he said, I just somehow knew I was going to be able to do it myself so I asked if I could at least give it a try. I mean I would be at the hospital and if it didn’t work I could just deliver my babies via c-section. So we made a compromise that I would have a c-section scheduled in case anything happened but at least I’d first give it a try on my own.

Then one day I was sitting here on my couch and boom my water broke, like a whole river! But I was completely calm and happy and ready to make my body work it’s magic. I called my doctor and he told me to take my time, have a shower and come on over when ready. When I arrived at the hospital, the surgery room was ready for me but I refused because I really wanted to at least try, so I kept on insisting. Obviously, if me or my babies were in danger they could then perform a c- section; I am not crazy!

Delivery of twins is usually a bit faster because there is more pressure because they are in two. Then they told me Mathilde was not in the correct position and was stuck to one side. An obstetrician arrived and was supposed to massage my belly to try and move her a bit, but she dug her elbow so strong that she ended up breaking two of my ribs. Therefore, I was in labor with two broken ribs and had a bit of a hard time taking deep breaths. At that point, they told me I had to have a c-section but my feeling at the time and to this day is that I would have been able to do this on my own a 100%. If I had the right person who could have helped me with love and true care, I do strongly believe I would have done so. I mean I waited 6 year for this and that was the best part but it’s okay, they are here now and I am eternally grateful.

So what happened next? Did Enrico stay with you in the c-section?

He walked me over to the room but the problem here in Italy is that husbands are not allowed to stay with their partners during c-sections as they can in the rest of Europe or America. This made us really sad. He had to stay on the other side of a window, so truthfully we were not able to support each other. Then after the c-section, I saw each of my babies for a quick second and then they took them in another room and sewed me back together. No one in the room asked me how I was or how my babies were doing – nothing, I was all alone. My dream was to stay a bit with my husband and two babies together to understand that in this important moment we had just become parents.

Did you want to breastfeed them?

Oh yes, absolutely. Finally a wonderful woman came in to my room and asked me if I wanted to breastfeed and she stayed with me for the next couple of days to help me get going with the feeding. I stayed in the electric machine for some hours and the milk just came and I was ready to feed the whole floor. I was so happy that at least I was able to do that. For awhile I just followed my babies needs, I was basically topless for three months always breast-feeding. If there is a will there’s a way, even if they come in two. This was really a wonderful moment to be able to breast-feed. Sometimes they would both drink at the same time 🙂

Did you have any extra help?

Yes, my grandmother and their great-grandmother came here and stayed with us and helped me and she is 80 years old. Amazing! She was just incredible, she helped me a lot. Took the babies out for a walk in the morning so I could rest and take a shower.

You are a working mother now, how long did you stay home with the babies?

I stayed home with them the first 6 months and then my first year of work I just worked mornings from 9-13. It was so hard to leave them, I cried every time.

Where do you work?

I work for Jimmy Choo – in the fashion industry, and have been doing that for a long time, before this I was working for Valentino. I love it but now that I’m a mother my dreams are changing a little bit. Maybe later on in life, I would love to be an event planner. I love organizing parties and seeing everyone together and happy. This way I can own my time and stay more with the twins.

For how long did you breast-feed?

For 8 months, Gregorio kind of lost interest about that time but Mathilde would have wanted to breast-feed for longer. And I had so much breast milk in the freezer so she was able to drink it from her bottle for a long time.

How did it go when you gave them food?

To be honest, not well and in that moment I felt like a failure. Their doctor told me that at 6 months I had to start feeding them solids but they didn’t want it. No matter what I made, they spit it out and the food was more on the walls then in their stomachs. I guess they were just not ready. I really tried everything from fresh food to jar food. The doctor even suggested meat and fish in powder form to put in their food! Sounds gross, right?

In this period I cried so much I was under so much pressure from the doctor but my babies just did not want food. I suppose they just wanted to breast-feed for a bit longer. Then I took a little break and tried again later and that worked much better. Of course doctors’ instructions are important but as you say in your blog, I guess every mother has to listen to her own child and her own instincts. We all might have different needs.

How about you guys, do you try and stay healthy food wise?

Yes, we definitely do especially since we have become parents. I feel a responsibility towards taking good care of my own health since I became a mother. I need to be up to each task for the children and need to live a long and healthy life with them. We like to try new things, right now we are drinking hot water with lemon each morning and eating more fruit.

How is your marriage going now after you had kids?

Well I focus on picking and choosing my battles in a relationship. I try to avoid fights over toothpaste and silly things like that. Or when I ask him to pass me something from the kitchen and he asks me where it is I respond with, ” the same spot it has been for the past 10 years”! I rethink and realize it is not worth fighting over. I think about all we have been through in these past 11 years together and I realize he is just the love of my life. I would marry him over and over again.

Do you do something special to maintain the chemistry?

Once a month we go out for dinner, cinema or something. Just a moment for us, where we are not allowed to talk about the kids. A moment dedicated to just us and the relationship.

Do you every lose your patience with the kids?

No, not really. I really work a lot so during the time I get to spend with the kids I really want it to be quality time. I do think maybe I yell more at Enrico instead 🙂 Especially in the morning when we are all getting ready to go out for the day. Usually at around 10:30ish I will call him to apologize for my yelling 🙂

I would like to thank Francesca for sharing her motherhood story with us. It was really a pleasure to meet her and her beautiful family. I love how every story at some point gives me so many goosebumps and even tears in my eyes.

I appreciate her honesty and hope this will be of comfort or encouragement to a mother out there. I wish you all the best of luck 🙂

– Love JM

December 7, 2016January 10, 2017

A DAY WITH ALESSIA, BIANCA E ARMANDO

On a very rainy thursday morning in the fall i met Alessia Baldi in her home town of reggio emillia in northern Italy. A mother of two children, Bianca almost 3 years and a brand new baby Armando just 3 weeks old. Alessia has the glow of a new mother, she seems so calm and so happy. You can tell she is in love. As devoted as a loving mother she is dedicates her life to make other women happy by making wedding dresses for a living. She runs her own company Alessia Baldi Atelier where she designs beautiful, simple and elegant dresses that so many women dream of. Everything about her is somehow so lovely and romantic as she was telling us about the ups and downs of motherhood. Let’s hear some of her story.

Now that you have two, how do you feel? How do you feel you are managing?

Life changes a little bit, Bianca wants to play and get her attention. But she is doing very well, when there are just the three of us at home she likes to help me and she is very sweet to him and me. Then it’s all 4 of us at home, or more people around, she acts up a bit wants the limelight. The first week after I came home from the hospital with Armando I wasn’t coping too well. I was feeling sad because I wanted to give more to her and to him, I mean she is not used to sharing my attention with someone else. Then I saw that she was happy around her brother so I was ok and I realised we would make it. I am not used to having two and I used to wonder how it would be and if I would be able to manage well but it happens so quick that you get used to it. It is just all so natural.

Is it difficult to divide yourself between the two of them?

Before Armando arrived I could not imagine having two of them. How I would do all this. Then he came and I just feel “wow I love them both so much”. Somehow it all came naturally. We are a family of four. How exiting!

But as an example, one afternoon Bianca had just arrived home from school and was not having a good day so she was crying a lot. Armando was hungry and tired so he was also crying and I was very very tired and I just looked at them and thought oh my god what do I do, so I brought both of them to my bed and I just started reading a book and then I started feeding Armando. After a little while he fell asleep and then Bianca and then me. But in the beginning I was about to cry to.

But at the same time do you sometimes feel a bit frustrated?

Well he is only 3 weeks old so I don’t think I am there yet. But I am sure I will get there.

So obviously you are not working now?

No, I am not making any dresses and I will take a few months off. I will slowly make a few appointments maybe in December. Now I am focusing on Armando and since I am breastfeeding him and he feeds so often in the first months it is important to me and him to stay close to each other.

But your idea of being a mom and then the reality. What is the main difference?

You have other priorities. When I was pregnant with Bianca for an example I did not realize how much time she needed after she would be born. I had thought I would give birth in December and then in couple of months I can start to work again. But it was not at all like that. I really needed to spend time with her. Take care of her, be there for her and give her love and security. Also when I had to switch from only breastfeeding to introducing food I did not know how careful I had to be. The first food is very important for our children’s health and I really wanted to do my best, so in the beginning I was very confused because there is a lot of different information of what to do and not do. I wanted to make all the food myself so in the beginning it was a bit time consuming but then you get the hang of it. I am sure it will be easier with Armando. I could not imagine all this when I was not a mom. I have changed completely.

Do you sometimes feel like your needs and your time almost does not meter anymore?

Yes. Well they are small so I will get more me time again later on when they go to school and such.

Do you find it difficult to balance work and motherhood?

Yes in the beginning. It broke my heart to go to the studio, I really wanted to stay with Bianca.

The idea of working out of the house 7 hours a day? Could you do it?

No, and that is also why I opened the Atelier. Before I had kids I was working for max mara and Jucca and I was there from 8-8 without lunch and no time. I knew that was not what I wanted. I wanted family, kids and time to take care of my kids. I want to raise them and be their mom. Be here for them. At the Atelier I can choose how much I work and when. There are times I have to work a lot and times where I can stay with the children a lot. I can manage my own time and come home for lunch, and Bianca has been also coming with me to work as she loves to play at the studio.

I have to say I really admire women who take their time to be mothers. It is a time that never comes back and it is important to get to know your child. Because it can be very difficult to be a mother. Go to work can feel like you are on a holiday. Right?

Yes, and you have to think about so many things after you become a mother. Sometimes when I go to work it feels like a relief in the first few minutes in a silent car. While I am at the studio my focus goes in one direction, while my focus is all over the place when I am at home, and I am running behind the whole day. After just few minutes at the studio I miss them so much. I would like to be everywhere.

Now you have one of each boy and a girl. Are there more babies in the picture?

My boyfriend Cesare gave me this ring after the birth of Armando and said this is for you the kids and the kids to come and I said wait I just gave birth (she said and laughed)

Bianca seems to know your studio quite well. Do you bring her here when you are sewing the dresses?

Well I bring her here often with me but I don’t sew anymore. I just design the dresses and I have a woman who does the sewing for me because that takes so much time and I have so much to do. She loves it here. So many things to play with.

Cesare works a lot right? He has a job where he has to travel quite a bit. How is that going? You are sometimes like a single mother?

We’ll he has a business partner and they take turns to traveling and he is at home now for some months so that is good. And he is very helpful with Bianca and Armando. He also makes dinner a lot. He is doing a great job with us so I can’t complain.

Is there one thing you secretly tell yourself that makes you a good mom? Something you are proud of?

I am always there, I give them lots of hugs and strokes. I think this is very important. Especially if Bianca is being angry, acting up, or crying. I take her, give her a big hug and that really calms her down. Everybody has their moments sometimes. I think big hugs are the best and just to show them you care and you are always there. Bianca talks a lot she is like a little radio.

For how long have you been making dresses?

For 5 years.

Don’t you ever get a bit lonely when you are home alone with the kids for a long time?

Yes that happens. Also when I came home from the hospital it was a bit weird but at the same time I was so happy and curious for what was coming next. But I am lucky I have my mom around. She lives above the studio and I see her a lot. I really love my job and I am always so happy to come here to the studio to see my clients and help them with their dream dress.

If something is wrong with your kids or they have an off day do you always blame yourself?

Oh yes all the time, you worry about what you did wrong and you are not good enough

What triggers that feeling for you? Can you give me an example?

Yes like the last time I felt bad, like really bad it was just the first week I was home as a mother of two. He was crying a lot and did not want to be left alone so of course I just had to hold him and keep him close as you do in the first weeks or months. So I was not with Bianca so much and she went to Cesare and asked him can you please give me a hug and come with me to bed and play? That was always our thing to do to gather. She was a real mommy’s girl, she still is. But I think the first few weeks were the hardest as we were all figuring out a new routine that would meet everyone’s needs. Plus the doctor has told me to be careful lifting up Bianca after the birth. I had always picked her up even at the end of my pregnancy, so she was crying and I could not pick her up. That felt very bad because I was missing it and so was she, the first week was very hard for this reason.

I can see Armando is very comfortable in the baby wrap. Do you like using it?

Yes I think it is so good to keep them close to you in the first weeks, and it calms him down to hear my heart beat and he sleeps so well and it helps also when he is feeling gassy. I can use both hands so can multi task and I can play a lot more with Bianca.

A secret moment when you feel like you are a bad mom?

Like now I have less time to go the market to buy good food and cook for Bianca. That makes me feel bad. I have been more into grabbing an easy dinner these days.

Do you ever yell and lose your temper?

Sometimes I call Bianca by her name like a 100 times and she never answers then I yell her name and she answers right away. Or when she is doing something she can’t and I tell her to stop a 100 times, then I yell and she stops. But then of course I feel guilty right away. I also think they need some discipline sometimes. Cesare is very good with this and he helps me a lot with teaching Bianca good manners. Like for an example the other day we were trying to teach her to say thank you and please, all these little things that are important. I had asked her if she would like more to eat and she just said no! So we said say no thank you, you must be kind. She refused so Cesare made her sit on the couch until she would say no thank you. It took forever but then at the end she whispered no thank you. But she listens well to Cesare. They are good together.

How long have you guys been together?

9 years now.

What inspired you to start to make wedding dresses

Well I love everything about weddings. Working with a girl who is just about to get married is so lovely as she is so happy looking for her dress. I like making the dresses for them it is something so special.

So you breastfeed both?

Yes Bianca for two years and I plan to do the same with Armando. But I was a bit worried about Bianca’s reaction in the beginning because it is not that long ago she was doing it. So when I see her little face watching me and Armando I offer her to try and she says yes and pretends to drink from the other breast.

Does Bianca sleep in her room and bed?

No she sleeps with us in the middle so now there are 4 of us in the same room. Armando’s crib is stuck to ours so he has his little nest next to me. There is something so cozy and nice to be all together in one room. Actually Armando slept on my chest the first two weeks. I told Cesare to buy king size bed so we could all sleep comfortably.

Who was Alessia before she had kids?

I was working full-time also at night at the Atelier. I was sewing and designing dresses also late at night. My friends came knocking at the window hey Alessia come outside have a drink with us.

Beside working I was also going out much more. Life of a single girl.

Did your relationship change a lot after you guys had kids?

Yes it changed, especially at first with Bianca as we had to find a new balance. I think that was the most difficult part to find that new balance. Be serene and relaxed. There are so many things you have to think about when you have a kid. Things I never realized until after I had her. Also things to choose like vaccinations, diet, sleep routines and we didn’t always agree. They are too small to choose for themselves so we have to choose everything and we felt a big responsibility. We like every parent want to make the best life for our kids.

Do you guys also get along well as parents?

Well obviously we have ups and downs but we don’t argue that much or fight. We stay calm and talk. More like we get annoyed with each other but I think that is normal. We are on the same team and so far we try to be supportive of each other.

What about the diet? Do you make all the food at home?

Yes we make it all at home. We kept Bianca vegan for a while. When she was about 14 months we started with eggs and fish. I mean we never buy meat but sometimes when we go out for dinner or at grandma’s house we all have it. But we never buy it for the home. We also never have dairy products.

What is a typical family dinner like in your house?

It depends who is cooking me or Cesare. Cesare is a very good chef, for example he is very good with pasta and / or fish. I do more vegetables and some grains. I also do soups with vegetables and Bianca loves that. I think that might be her favourite food.

Is Bianca often sick?

No hardly ever. Sometimes a runny nose when the seasons change but that is a normal, and she gets that from school.

Do you think that is related to her good diet?

Oh yes. I think that to skip dairy and meat makes a big difference. I also try to keep her away from sugar. Like candy and Coca-Cola never ever.

Do you feel judged by people around you? Do they make a comment when you don’t allow some food or candy?

Yes but I really don’t care. People love judging, criticizing and making comments. I did my research and I know she is doing well. When she went to her first birthday party I was a bit nervous because I knew they offer so many things I don’t want her to eat. Thank god she did not show any interest in any of that so it was easy. Like the other day we took her to gymnastics and they played and exercised and had fun, then at the end of the class the teacher gave all the kids candy. I had no idea what to say and my jaw just dropped. It just does not match sports and candy plus they were all such small kids they would have been just as happy with a piece of fruit. But I was so happy she did not want to eat it she just played with it.

Where do you like buy clothes for the kids?

It depends usually Zara, Gap or H&M. For boys I love Polarn O Pyret.

What about you? how would you describe your style?

I love to buy second hand especially when I lived in NYC and still do love to search and mix it with max mara (all its brands) or Cos for example or H&M basics. I don’t have an absolute favourite designer because it depends on the season. But if I had to pick one it would be Luisa Beccaria.

I truly wish Alessia and her family all the best and I want to thank her so much for meeting me for a chat and sharing her experience of motherhood. I always learn something new when I meet new mothers so I hope some of you will learn something or be inspired in some way. If you are interested in seeing some of Alessia’s dresses check out her instagram Alessia Baldi Atelier or her website www.alessiabaldi.it.

love, JM