Category: FAMILY TIME

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WE ARE ALSO RAISING FATHERS

I have been posting Instagram videos and photos of my sons playing at home doing many different games over the past three years. I find myself both sharing my motherhood and watching other mothers’ daily life with children through their videos or words, and I somehow find it comforting, it makes me feel less alone in my motherhood journey.

I love getting ideas for activities to do with my sons from other mothers, just as when I find something that my family loves to do together I like sharing it,  so that someone might also take it as inspiration and enjoy it. We are all in the same boat here and I find that the phrase sharing is caring fits really well in the motherhood community.

One of my sons’ favorite things to do is to take a walk with their strollers and care for their dolls . Before leaving the house they put on their clothes and cover them up with a blanket so they wont get cold. Then they tell me stories about how they care for their little babies and how I did the same with them when they where small (as if they remember their infancy) 🙂 Seeing them taking care of their stuffed animals and dolls with so much love just melts my heart, and I feel it is such a lovely game for any child, boy or girl. It is just a game about love.

I have gotten so many responses to the videos I have posted of my sons playing fathers, and I have to say they were both positive and negative. I felt it would be a good idea to share the reason why, to me, it is completely fine for boys to play with dolls and strollers just as it is fine for girls.

First of all, they are not at all only toys for girls. Yes ,it is true that girls will become mothers one day and they will take care of a baby and walk around with a stroller, but guess what: boys will also become FATHERS, and it is completely, 100% ok that boys walk around with a stroller and take care of little doll babies just like their fathers are doing with them and their siblings. Our children are only imitating what they see us do. 

In my personal opinion I find it really beautiful that my sons play a game that consists in taking care of someone else. As I take them for a walk in the park they put a blanket on their dolls so that they will not be cold, and all I can think of is how beautiful it is that they have the instinct to be kind, even to a doll. During our walk in the park I notice that many people look at them and their strollers and smile. I can see they are moved by seeing two boys walking around the park acting like two fathers.

On the other hand, so very sadly, I also see many people looking at me as if I have committed a crime by letting my sons play this game. This is completely beyond my understanding. Many mothers have written to me saying that their husbands would never, ever, allow them to let their sons play with a stroller. It is very hard for me to understand this. Children are children, and I am so happy when I see them exploring new games or developing an interest in something. Thinking that there are boy games and girl games is such an old preconception. I grew up with 4 younger brothers, so I very often played with ninja turtles, cars or played soccer and I also have to say that it generally seems like it is more accepted for girls to be playing boy games rather than boys playing girl games. It feels like some men are scared about it, in some way. My sons also have a little kitchen in their room and they love preparing ‘’soups or pasta’’ for me that I pretend to eat from their little wood pots and pans, or other times they will offer me a cup of tea 🙂 They are so very proud to be making food for me.

It is 2018 and it is so completely ok for children to have the desire to explore and create games copying their parents. Being a good example to our children is everything. It is the future. Let boys carry stuffed animals and dolls in a stroller and play with them, so what! I gave Sebastian his stroller about the time when Gabriel was born so he could walk his own baby with me, and I felt that it really helped him deal with jealousy. When Gabriel grew they started fighting over the stroller so their grandmother bought Gabriel his own, and they are so happy and proud when they take their babies out for a walk. To me, parenthood is all about that: seeing our little angels happily smiling, satisfied and proud of who they are.

We guide them along the way and are there for everything they may need. We stimulate them in the way they are. See their incredible personality and help bring out the best in them.

Most of all, we are there to LOVE them for who they are.

love JM  

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SINGING IN THE RAIN

Singing in the rain is a song I believe everyone knows. I came to wonder the other day what was Arthur Freed thinking of when he wrote that song?  Very few people even like the rain and on rainy days so many people complain about it and are in a bad mood. Once while I lived in NYC I asked a taxi driver how many people who came in his cab complained about the rain and he said that every one of them did. So then I came to wonder for few years now why do people do not like rain? 

Is it because you get wet? Well use an umbrella and dress accordingly, it is only weather and it is very important for our planet. It is all about the way we choose to look at it, our mind can control our mood and we can make our mood better so easily, and here I would like to talk just a little about that in this post. 🙂

Almost all children love the rain, they love splashing around and it seems exciting to them. They dress according to the weather as most of them have mothers or fathers who make sure they do so. So if we are dressing our children for kindergarden or school with rain gear it only makes sense to do the same for ourselves. We might like the rain more that way because we will stay dry. Most parents usually are cursing the rain and are running especially late when it rains. Why in the world is that? To me it is only a state of mind. We don’t have to find the rain boring just because every one else does. Someone once said if you find something boring it is just because you are boring, boring is just a state in your own mind and it is up to you how to control your own mind.

-Rain is one of the most wonderful thing that happen to our earth and our air, taking a walk in the rain makes me always want to breath deeper as the air feel so good, fresh and clean plus the smell is just so lovely and the sound of it is so very relaxing. 

– Trees and other plants get water and we can grow vegetables and fruit. 

– It cools down our planet. 

– It is therapeutic, the sound of the rain falling down can make us relax if we only allow it to. Maybe especially when you are at home or work you can light one or two candles and if you are lucky enough you can see see the rain pounding your window.

– I usually make a special dinner or lunch, something warm and shooting. 

– Take your kids outside dressed for the weather, in rain proof boots and rain coats, let them jump in puddles and walk in the park. Usually kids’ first instinct is to be happy to play out in the rain. Especially if they have rain boots on so they can walk in the puddles. My sons love it and it makes them so happy and when we come home they seem very satisfied! I run them a warm bath massage coconut oil into their skin after and give them a little cup of tea then at 8 they go to sleep and sleep very well. 

So if you think about it maybe it is time to change your ideas about rain. I know there are many people who like the rain and enjoy it like I do but they are not many that is for sure. Our mind is a powerful tool and we should use it wisely. Rainy days might be come your new favorite if you only like to. 

I bought my sons the other day two little umbrellas to add to to their rainy days outfit and they are SO HAPPY about it and they feel grown up and proud to have their own umbrella. Plus it is their favorite thing to do with me is to go out and play in the park. My boyfriend is less happy to go out and play in the rain but after each time he joins us he usually feels more happy to be home after and relax. 

Writing this makes me excited for the next rainy day or even waiting for snow. Seeing smiles on my sons like that reminds me of my childhood out and about making adventures with all kinds of weather conditions and feeling like a child again is a wonderful thing. Life seems more easy when we enjoy the little things. When I am facing some sort of crisis or life is giving me obstacles it is usually these kind of little simple things in life that cheer me up. I hope you give it a try.

love JM.

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ON OUR OWN, WE CAN GET FAR, BUT TOGETHER WE GO EVEN FURTHER

Iceland has been quite a popular destination over the past few years. One of the many reasons why is because our Icelandic men did very well playing football during summer of 2016. The Icelanders became famous for their Viking clap, HUH!!! Then again our Icelandic dudes did so well last Monday night playing against Kosovo that our team secured their place in Russia and are will now compete in their first World Cup! The first thing I would like to say is BRAVO!!! A team hailing from a nation that’s population is only 334,252.

It truly is amazing how so many Icelandic people are good at sports that require teamwork such as soccer. Speaking to my dear friend Tinna Gunnarsdottir, my childhood friend from Iceland, she mentioned how important it is to young Icelandic children to be good at sports. How most have dreams to reach professional levels at soccer, handball, basketball, swimming or dance. In that sense by practising sports and activities these children gain a “never give up” mentality. Generally speaking, our society as a whole is resilient. We totally support our children and our neighbours in their endeavours. If you watch children play sports and practice in Iceland, you will find almost every parent watching and supporting their children.

Now that I have lived abroad almost 12 years now when I look back at my roots, my family and upbringing I see that Icelandic people are really good at standing together. We must survive long, dark winters and windy, rainy Fall. Sometimes even during Spring and Summer, we must have strong hearts, faith and real teamwork.

Icelandic children attend a daycare, of some sort, at an early age. From around, one year or one year and a half generally speaking. Both parents usually work or study but in-between school or work they pick up their own children. They dedicate time to their children between the everyday hustle and bustle. You rarely see fulltime live-in Nannies’ in Iceland or really any Scandanivan home for that matter. You would never see a mother and her child’s nanny walking together with just one child and the nanny pushing the stroller instead of the mother.

Life passes quickly. So it is important that within each phase to be there present with the right mind and attitude. Children grow up so fast and as they get older they want as much independence as possible. They actually don’t want to be seen in public too much with their parents anymore  🙂

Please do not misunderstand me, I want to be very clear and state that I have nothing at all against nannies or babysitters. They are angels to every single parent or busy household especially to children that do not have grandparents or a family member that lives close by to provide a much-needed hand from time to time, or to cover some hours before work is done.

We all need space and time. Most families need to work a lot in order to cover the cost of bills and they don’t have time to pick-up their children from school or daycare. That is usually where the grandparents can come in to help. If we are not so fortunate to have them around we are going to need other kinds of angels to help us. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that live so far away from my sons’ lovely grandparents and actually have to rely on a babysitter, which whom I love. She helps us out when we are in need, stuck at work and so on.

A busy family life also brings the family much closer. It changes the point of view of the situation, at least I found that out when my older son became a big brother at 17 months old. He had to mature a bit quicker and be patient while I tended his little brother, but this is life! And this is also love. When my little one went down for his naps, my eldest and I got some very special together time.

Keeping the family close and cozy and being nice to each other. Keeping respect for our partner   (which can be challenging 🙂 ) and trying to understand them instead of judging. If we are in a position where we have to argue or fight it can be useful and helpful to wait until the kids are sleeping to have a moment just for adults.

A family is made with love so why is it often difficult to maintain it? The team starts in a family and grows with us into our adult lives. I believe teaching our children good teamwork within a family and outside of the family can really help them reach far. Help our neighbours and set a good example for our children. The Scandinavian way of raising children is becoming one of worldwide interest. Denmark is an excellent example the specialists say. I believe that at the end of the day it is all about learning and spreading knowledge, togetherwe will win!

Love JM

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TEACHING OUR CHILDREN TO PARTICIPATE IN THE HOME

Teaching Our Children to Participate in The Home

One of the many things I appreciate in my adult life is that my mother included me in all household tasks. She would give me chores and jobs to do around the house simply because I needed to help out. She thought it was necessary for every one of us to participate in the home. As my brothers and I grew older, the tasks we had changed and grew with us as well. For me it felt good to be needed and my mom would be so happy once we’d completed everything and always made sure to thank us very well. Of course there were days we weren’t in the mood to clean or do our part but she always explained that this is the way life is.  In our adult life there will be times when we don’t feel like doing certain things but have to anyway. For instance, she told us she didn’t always want to go to work but it was necessary and we had our own job to do just as she had hers. InIceland this is quite common and most of my friends were taught in the same manner.

I remember on Fridays my brother would be cleaning shelves in the living room and me folding and hanging our laundry while listening to Celine Dion! Now this memory is so lovely. This has prepared me to be a good worker when I entered the work force (which I did really early on as most Icelanders do in the early teen years) and now that I have my own home to run, I am much better prepared and better at it. I think this is a wonderful thing to teach our children from a young age. They may even feel more included in the home and proud of their accomplishments. I for sure plan to do this with my boys. I already have taken small steps towards this by making them clean their rooms and telling them to pick up all toys after play.  I recently started having them bring their plates to the kitchen after meals. My older son often feels so proud and happy he wants to also take my plate from the table to the kitchen.

Another thing that I believe is even more important is raising our children with food culture, which I have learned here in Italy as well. My father is a chef by profession and I guess got my passion for good food from him. I love involving my sons in the kitchen as well despite their young age. Now my older son is taller and old enough to stand on a stool or a chair next to me and he is crazy about helping out. They watch me closely pealing apples in the early morning and pick them out of my hand to eat. When I prepare our usual smoothies they watch and get to throw the fruit in the blender.  Sometimes we make some scrambled eggs together and Sebastian loves watching me break the eggs and then he gets to blend them. I don’t add any butter or milk , just plain eggs – so healthy and they love it. Slice some avocado and mix it on their plates which is always a lovely way for my younger one to eat with his hands 🙂

On some occasions we prepare salmon that has now become one of their favorites just because they are able to help me prepare it. This also makes them more willing to eat what I make for them as they feel proud of their accomplishment and can’t wait to have a taste. Kids are extremely smart and receptive to learning everything you teach. I explain almost everything I do to both of them and explain why I do certain things in certain ways and so on.  For example: Why we need to eat  healthy food. I explain that it makes us strong and well and then we won’t get sick as often.  These days my eldest  is very interested in this topic.

It can be pretty tricky to get our children to eat what we want them to eat, this is the reason why I keep repeating that you should start early with all the healthy stuff so this way they don’t know the alternatives. Believe me we are doing them a huge favor by keeping them as pure and healthy for as long as possible. Let them help in the kitchen, take them with you to the market and choose the fruits and vegetables they would like to taste. I make green juices with my boys and they have been drinking them since before they were 1 year of age. They absolutely love them! Explain why we eat healthy,  I know it does not always work and it varies on the child’s age and when you start. But if you keep preaching it , it will slowly seep into a good spot of their brain; if not now, then surely later it will be used.

I still remember the incredible woman from Puerto Rico and her words of wisdom. She is a mother of three beautiful boys and I have never seen such healthy radiant children. They had glowing skin and wide bright and open eyes. We don’t need to feed our children ice-cream to make them like us, we just need to be by their side. The most important gift is to give them your time and attention. Try out some recipes in your kitchen and have them help you. I am sure they will at least want to taste the food they have helped prepare and have some fun during the process!

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

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SPENDING TIME OUTSIDE

In this modern age we seem to be spending less and less time outdoors. Our children are spending way too much time indoors than they used to. It’s been said that this is a big problem and creating issues we’ve never had to face before. Stress is going up by all levels and also in children. This breaks my heart. Children need a moment to run wild and free outside more than just once a week, they should everyday. When my boys spend too much time cooped up indoors I can see them get lazy and cranky. Their little bodies are just full of so much pent up energy at those times. Children have so much curiosity and creativity so by allowing them to go out explore and follow their nose towherever it may lead those innate desires get fulfilled. I believe they need to run, fall and get back up on their own. 

This way they can learn to run without falling because they will catch themselves and that is a big and important life skill. I personally think it’s never too early to acquire this skill. Kids are often much more resilient  than wethink. Since forever nature has allowed us to grow in this way.  I often see kids being overly supervised by their parents and not being allowed to get dirty because they might ruin their clothes. Obviously there should be a balance, but kids need to sit and run their fingers through sand – earth’s different elements, it is a huge part of our learning process. Getting dirty and muddy is a part of the game! Let them wonder, discover and experiment.

In my last post about kangaroo therapy I shared a bit about my first born son’s initial two weeks of life. That experience made me feel so guilty as a mother. Since then I have always felt the need to make it up to him and I became overly protective  in his first two years of life. I was sort of a helicopter mother, the type of mother I never thought I’d be. I would often over supervise him when he was running or playing in the park just to make him understand I was their for him. Catching him, protecting him and making sure he was not going to get hurt in any way. Of course this behavior can be easily understood but kids also need to feel a sense of freedom and trust towards themselves. A free space to run and the feeling of being themselves and I think they may stop falling sooner.

My son would cry very easily and give up before trying to climb a small ladder in the playground and I realized he was counting on me a 100%, so I started to change my approach. I would tell him he could do things on his own and slowly I began to see huge progress. Man, was he ever proud of himself! His ego and own sense of security started to grow really fast. I guess I was just trying to make up for the time lost when he was alone in the hospital, but my hovering definitely  didn’t do him any favors. Now with my second son I make sure to give him a lot of space. He is fine on his own climbing in the playground or being wild in nature. He falls without crying and is quick to stand back up again. Of course, I am always close by or taking part in the games they play. 

Much research has been done on outdoor activity and it’s proven to improve our overall health and sense of well being in  many different ways such as : 

Strenghtens your eyes and improves vision

Improves sleep

Reduces stress

Simply makes you feel happier

Improves short term memory

Restores mental energy

Reduces inflammation

Sharper thinking and boosts creativity

Strengthens your immune system

Improves mental health

Improves concentration

I can’t think of a better way to spend quality time with my family then to find a lovely spot in wild nature or in a beautiful park. Kick a ball around, play hide and seek, run around, look at our surroundings and just have our imaginations  run wild and free. In those moments we invent stories that happen where we are using what we see.

Now I am waiting for spring, since I am a huge fan of picnicking 🙂 Not that I let the cold ever stop me. Being outside in all weather conditions makes us stronger, strengthens our immune system. Once you return home, grab a warm cup of tea for you and the kids (my sons think they are so big and cool when I give them a cup of tea). Just make sure it’s well cooled before you give it to them 🙂

Love JM

@Photo, www.mamafedona.com

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WHY ARE MY KIDS SCREAMING AT ME ?

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Dinnertime craziness – sound familiar to anyone? To me wayyyyy too familiar. I always imagined dinnertime to be the most peaceful time with my family. In my fantasy I’d cook the most delicious meal and extremely healthy of course 😉  We would have such a lovely time taking our seats at a table lit with candles. Well let’s say this is still my goal and I do know that it will happen soon enough but for the moment it’s only a once a week kind of thing …..okay, how about a month!

Kids love to test limits and push boundaries. They always try figuring out just how much they can get away with. They have some off days just as we adults do. I try to remember the difference is that we are able to express ourselves and take steps to ensure we feel better. Unfortunately, they lack the ability to do that yet so they go a wee bit crazy instead. Although believe me, I would love  to behave like them. Scream and chuck my spoon across the table or throw food at my boyfriend’s face. It would actually be funny and quite refreshing from time to time. Evenings are a busy time in a families’ home. What I have found useful in creating a more relaxing moment during family time is having the television turned off. I know for many people this is challenging but have found and later read studies on the topic that prove my point. There might be some drama the moment they realize the TV is off limits but I find my boys less irritated and cranky when the TV is not on at night. It’s also much easier for them to fall asleep. I light candles (obviously where they cannot reach them) and believe they set a relaxing atmosphere along with some soft music. I also think hugs are the most powerful. In the long-run loads of hugs throughout the day and strokes across their back or chin relaxes them a lot. Laugh with them, tell silly jokes and stories. Bend down to reach their level when you are speaking with them, give them your time and put your cell phone away. I know this advice is all quite obvious and most parents do practice these things. But for myself, I found that when life takes you on a busy ride we are tempted to forget the very simple things. I felt the need to share little routines that really worked when my older son was exploring his power towards me and his dad. I also believe that good manners are essential to learn at a young age. I will keep on trying to teach them that dinnertime is an important moment for us to sit down together and enjoy a good meal.

love, JM