On a very rainy thursday morning in the fall i met Alessia Baldi in her home town of reggio emillia in northern Italy. A mother of two children, Bianca almost 3 years and a brand new baby Armando just 3 weeks old. Alessia has the glow of a new mother, she seems so calm and so happy. You can tell she is in love. As devoted as a loving mother she is dedicates her life to make other women happy by making wedding dresses for a living. She runs her own company Alessia Baldi Atelier where she designs beautiful, simple and elegant dresses that so many women dream of. Everything about her is somehow so lovely and romantic as she was telling us about the ups and downs of motherhood. Let’s hear some of her story.
Now that you have two, how do you feel? How do you feel you are managing?
Life changes a little bit, Bianca wants to play and get her attention. But she is doing very well, when there are just the three of us at home she likes to help me and she is very sweet to him and me. Then it’s all 4 of us at home, or more people around, she acts up a bit wants the limelight. The first week after I came home from the hospital with Armando I wasn’t coping too well. I was feeling sad because I wanted to give more to her and to him, I mean she is not used to sharing my attention with someone else. Then I saw that she was happy around her brother so I was ok and I realised we would make it. I am not used to having two and I used to wonder how it would be and if I would be able to manage well but it happens so quick that you get used to it. It is just all so natural.
Is it difficult to divide yourself between the two of them?
Before Armando arrived I could not imagine having two of them. How I would do all this. Then he came and I just feel “wow I love them both so much”. Somehow it all came naturally. We are a family of four. How exiting!
But as an example, one afternoon Bianca had just arrived home from school and was not having a good day so she was crying a lot. Armando was hungry and tired so he was also crying and I was very very tired and I just looked at them and thought oh my god what do I do, so I brought both of them to my bed and I just started reading a book and then I started feeding Armando. After a little while he fell asleep and then Bianca and then me. But in the beginning I was about to cry to.
But at the same time do you sometimes feel a bit frustrated?
Well he is only 3 weeks old so I don’t think I am there yet. But I am sure I will get there.
So obviously you are not working now?
No, I am not making any dresses and I will take a few months off. I will slowly make a few appointments maybe in December. Now I am focusing on Armando and since I am breastfeeding him and he feeds so often in the first months it is important to me and him to stay close to each other.
But your idea of being a mom and then the reality. What is the main difference?
You have other priorities. When I was pregnant with Bianca for an example I did not realize how much time she needed after she would be born. I had thought I would give birth in December and then in couple of months I can start to work again. But it was not at all like that. I really needed to spend time with her. Take care of her, be there for her and give her love and security. Also when I had to switch from only breastfeeding to introducing food I did not know how careful I had to be. The first food is very important for our children’s health and I really wanted to do my best, so in the beginning I was very confused because there is a lot of different information of what to do and not do. I wanted to make all the food myself so in the beginning it was a bit time consuming but then you get the hang of it. I am sure it will be easier with Armando. I could not imagine all this when I was not a mom. I have changed completely.
Do you sometimes feel like your needs and your time almost does not meter anymore?
Yes. Well they are small so I will get more me time again later on when they go to school and such.
Do you find it difficult to balance work and motherhood?
Yes in the beginning. It broke my heart to go to the studio, I really wanted to stay with Bianca.
The idea of working out of the house 7 hours a day? Could you do it?
No, and that is also why I opened the Atelier. Before I had kids I was working for max mara and Jucca and I was there from 8-8 without lunch and no time. I knew that was not what I wanted. I wanted family, kids and time to take care of my kids. I want to raise them and be their mom. Be here for them. At the Atelier I can choose how much I work and when. There are times I have to work a lot and times where I can stay with the children a lot. I can manage my own time and come home for lunch, and Bianca has been also coming with me to work as she loves to play at the studio.
I have to say I really admire women who take their time to be mothers. It is a time that never comes back and it is important to get to know your child. Because it can be very difficult to be a mother. Go to work can feel like you are on a holiday. Right?
Yes, and you have to think about so many things after you become a mother. Sometimes when I go to work it feels like a relief in the first few minutes in a silent car. While I am at the studio my focus goes in one direction, while my focus is all over the place when I am at home, and I am running behind the whole day. After just few minutes at the studio I miss them so much. I would like to be everywhere.
Now you have one of each boy and a girl. Are there more babies in the picture?
My boyfriend Cesare gave me this ring after the birth of Armando and said this is for you the kids and the kids to come and I said wait I just gave birth (she said and laughed)
Bianca seems to know your studio quite well. Do you bring her here when you are sewing the dresses?
Well I bring her here often with me but I don’t sew anymore. I just design the dresses and I have a woman who does the sewing for me because that takes so much time and I have so much to do. She loves it here. So many things to play with.
Cesare works a lot right? He has a job where he has to travel quite a bit. How is that going? You are sometimes like a single mother?
We’ll he has a business partner and they take turns to traveling and he is at home now for some months so that is good. And he is very helpful with Bianca and Armando. He also makes dinner a lot. He is doing a great job with us so I can’t complain.
Is there one thing you secretly tell yourself that makes you a good mom? Something you are proud of?
I am always there, I give them lots of hugs and strokes. I think this is very important. Especially if Bianca is being angry, acting up, or crying. I take her, give her a big hug and that really calms her down. Everybody has their moments sometimes. I think big hugs are the best and just to show them you care and you are always there. Bianca talks a lot she is like a little radio.
For how long have you been making dresses?
For 5 years.
Don’t you ever get a bit lonely when you are home alone with the kids for a long time?
Yes that happens. Also when I came home from the hospital it was a bit weird but at the same time I was so happy and curious for what was coming next. But I am lucky I have my mom around. She lives above the studio and I see her a lot. I really love my job and I am always so happy to come here to the studio to see my clients and help them with their dream dress.
If something is wrong with your kids or they have an off day do you always blame yourself?
Oh yes all the time, you worry about what you did wrong and you are not good enough
What triggers that feeling for you? Can you give me an example?
Yes like the last time I felt bad, like really bad it was just the first week I was home as a mother of two. He was crying a lot and did not want to be left alone so of course I just had to hold him and keep him close as you do in the first weeks or months. So I was not with Bianca so much and she went to Cesare and asked him can you please give me a hug and come with me to bed and play? That was always our thing to do to gather. She was a real mommy’s girl, she still is. But I think the first few weeks were the hardest as we were all figuring out a new routine that would meet everyone’s needs. Plus the doctor has told me to be careful lifting up Bianca after the birth. I had always picked her up even at the end of my pregnancy, so she was crying and I could not pick her up. That felt very bad because I was missing it and so was she, the first week was very hard for this reason.
I can see Armando is very comfortable in the baby wrap. Do you like using it?
Yes I think it is so good to keep them close to you in the first weeks, and it calms him down to hear my heart beat and he sleeps so well and it helps also when he is feeling gassy. I can use both hands so can multi task and I can play a lot more with Bianca.
A secret moment when you feel like you are a bad mom?
Like now I have less time to go the market to buy good food and cook for Bianca. That makes me feel bad. I have been more into grabbing an easy dinner these days.
Do you ever yell and lose your temper?
Sometimes I call Bianca by her name like a 100 times and she never answers then I yell her name and she answers right away. Or when she is doing something she can’t and I tell her to stop a 100 times, then I yell and she stops. But then of course I feel guilty right away. I also think they need some discipline sometimes. Cesare is very good with this and he helps me a lot with teaching Bianca good manners. Like for an example the other day we were trying to teach her to say thank you and please, all these little things that are important. I had asked her if she would like more to eat and she just said no! So we said say no thank you, you must be kind. She refused so Cesare made her sit on the couch until she would say no thank you. It took forever but then at the end she whispered no thank you. But she listens well to Cesare. They are good together.
How long have you guys been together?
9 years now.
What inspired you to start to make wedding dresses
Well I love everything about weddings. Working with a girl who is just about to get married is so lovely as she is so happy looking for her dress. I like making the dresses for them it is something so special.
So you breastfeed both?
Yes Bianca for two years and I plan to do the same with Armando. But I was a bit worried about Bianca’s reaction in the beginning because it is not that long ago she was doing it. So when I see her little face watching me and Armando I offer her to try and she says yes and pretends to drink from the other breast.
Does Bianca sleep in her room and bed?
No she sleeps with us in the middle so now there are 4 of us in the same room. Armando’s crib is stuck to ours so he has his little nest next to me. There is something so cozy and nice to be all together in one room. Actually Armando slept on my chest the first two weeks. I told Cesare to buy king size bed so we could all sleep comfortably.
Who was Alessia before she had kids?
I was working full-time also at night at the Atelier. I was sewing and designing dresses also late at night. My friends came knocking at the window hey Alessia come outside have a drink with us.
Beside working I was also going out much more. Life of a single girl.
Did your relationship change a lot after you guys had kids?
Yes it changed, especially at first with Bianca as we had to find a new balance. I think that was the most difficult part to find that new balance. Be serene and relaxed. There are so many things you have to think about when you have a kid. Things I never realized until after I had her. Also things to choose like vaccinations, diet, sleep routines and we didn’t always agree. They are too small to choose for themselves so we have to choose everything and we felt a big responsibility. We like every parent want to make the best life for our kids.
Do you guys also get along well as parents?
Well obviously we have ups and downs but we don’t argue that much or fight. We stay calm and talk. More like we get annoyed with each other but I think that is normal. We are on the same team and so far we try to be supportive of each other.
What about the diet? Do you make all the food at home?
Yes we make it all at home. We kept Bianca vegan for a while. When she was about 14 months we started with eggs and fish. I mean we never buy meat but sometimes when we go out for dinner or at grandma’s house we all have it. But we never buy it for the home. We also never have dairy products.
What is a typical family dinner like in your house?
It depends who is cooking me or Cesare. Cesare is a very good chef, for example he is very good with pasta and / or fish. I do more vegetables and some grains. I also do soups with vegetables and Bianca loves that. I think that might be her favourite food.
Is Bianca often sick?
No hardly ever. Sometimes a runny nose when the seasons change but that is a normal, and she gets that from school.
Do you think that is related to her good diet?
Oh yes. I think that to skip dairy and meat makes a big difference. I also try to keep her away from sugar. Like candy and Coca-Cola never ever.
Do you feel judged by people around you? Do they make a comment when you don’t allow some food or candy?
Yes but I really don’t care. People love judging, criticizing and making comments. I did my research and I know she is doing well. When she went to her first birthday party I was a bit nervous because I knew they offer so many things I don’t want her to eat. Thank god she did not show any interest in any of that so it was easy. Like the other day we took her to gymnastics and they played and exercised and had fun, then at the end of the class the teacher gave all the kids candy. I had no idea what to say and my jaw just dropped. It just does not match sports and candy plus they were all such small kids they would have been just as happy with a piece of fruit. But I was so happy she did not want to eat it she just played with it.
Where do you like buy clothes for the kids?
It depends usually Zara, Gap or H&M. For boys I love Polarn O Pyret.
What about you? how would you describe your style?
I love to buy second hand especially when I lived in NYC and still do love to search and mix it with max mara (all its brands) or Cos for example or H&M basics. I don’t have an absolute favourite designer because it depends on the season. But if I had to pick one it would be Luisa Beccaria.
I truly wish Alessia and her family all the best and I want to thank her so much for meeting me for a chat and sharing her experience of motherhood. I always learn something new when I meet new mothers so I hope some of you will learn something or be inspired in some way. If you are interested in seeing some of Alessia’s dresses check out her instagram Alessia Baldi Atelier or her website www.alessiabaldi.it.
love, JM
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