Most people dream of traveling to Verona, Italy or visiting the magical paradise island called Ibiza. Barbara Bonner, a strong but gentle, hardworking business woman and mother to beautiful Mia. She did well to organize her business and life between these two incredible places. I went to visit them last Easter in Ibiza and we had such a lovely chat that brought me to tears at times as well as laughter. Barbara has a brilliant sense of humor and attitude to life. Here is some of what she had to say.
When I came over her and Mia were drawing together and listening to some very relaxing music from Ibiza. Something they love to do together often is draw. They started with finger paints and now Mia specializes in monster drawing, it seems therapeutic to her and she says she can pull out some of her emotions. “Mia and I draw so much that I think we should actually publish a little monster collection in a book”. Mia smiles from ear to ear and seems to love the idea. A suitable name would be, “The stories of Mia”.
Tell me how your pregnancy was? How did you feel?
First of all I was really ready to have a baby. I was ready to become a mother. Actually, before I even took the test I felt that I was pregnant. I just immediately knew I was. I became this completely different person, not just a mother but more like a real woman. I remember this extreme joy, a little human growing inside of me. I had to compromise a bit with my body as I grew a lot and I gained 25 kilos during the pregnancy.
I did enjoy it but mostly at the end of the pregnancy when I was really huge; I kind of felt like a goddess. Also, Mia’s father really liked me pregnant so that really helped the whole body changing process.
How did you take care of yourself during pregnancy?
Well I did Yoga and Pilates. I also worked a lot as I was feeling very creative and was making my own clothing as I got so big, but I also wanted to look good. I was very nauseous in the first 5-6 months so food was complicated but I was crazy about toast and cold water with lemon.
What about the delivery? How was your experience?
Well that was quite intense. Even though I was always a sporty person I did my Yoga, Pilates and stayed active the whole pregnancy but I still had some struggles. My water broke and I did not go into labor, but I really wanted to have a natural birth. So basically after 3 days of labor she was finally coming out, but she broke my pubic bone on her way down and the femoral nerve was getting dragged out with her. At that point they had to kind of push her back in a bit and perform an emergency C-Section as she was starting to suffer and I was screaming like MAD. I was ready to make them amputate my leg just to get her out. Mia really felt like arriving as a rock star!!
Then we had to spend one month in the hospital together because she got an infection. I really wanted to breastfeed but she needed to stay in intensive care so I stayed with her in the hospital. My family was getting worried if I would get the baby blues as I had just started my own company three months before she was born. That month in the hospital also became my office. It was just an insane period and I was feeding her every three hours. Pumping on no sleep and just the whole hospital life I was really multitasking at that point, doing everything and too much at the same time.
After one year, I completely crashed. I think I waited a year because before I just could not do it. It is amazing how strong a mother’s instinct is; I just had to keep it all together. Also, I could not feel my left leg after my pubic bone broke and I certainly needed some time to recover. During that time I honestly did not care if I lost my leg because I was so happy to have her. This is when I came to the realization just how amazing a mother’s mind is. She can suffer, be in pain and sacrifice so much. I just overcame it because my instincts told me to. If you ask me now if I care about my leg of course I would answer yes. Women are so amazing. I was SO scared and worried about her that all I cared about was her health.
How did you continue after all this? Did you have any help with Mia or your business?
Well yes, I had to travel so much for my business in the beginning, but Mia was always with me because I was also breastfeeding. My wonderful mother was traveling with me to all the fashion week events because I had to go. You know I make all these huge fringe bags, so what I would do was breastfeed behind my bags. Some of my clients were wondering what the sucking and moaning sounds were and then they’d spot little Mia drinking. Oh boy, did she drink A LOT… I felt like a milk farm 🙂 My mother would then take her for walks in her pram. It was lovely also because I reconnected beautifully with my mother through all this. She was so happy to become a grandmother and I was no longer just her daughter, I was also a mother now so I felt as if we reconnected and were now on an even level. We developed a new kind of bond. When you become a mother yourself you develop a new understanding of your own mother. What she sacrificed and so on.
How long did you breastfeed her?
For about 9 months and I truly believe this brings about a very special bond between a mother and her child. It is so much more than just a saying. With that being said, of course, not everyone can and it’s a shame if you don’t have the milk. Even now Mia still prefers me cooking for her because it probably brings a comforting memory.
What was it that inspired you to create your company, “Barbara Bonner Bags”?
My mother’s heritage is quite interesting and it is a lovely story we have between women here. My mother was a sort of hippy, which is where all the fringe bags probably come from and is also my brand’s signature. I remember watching her with long beautiful hair and fringe in the 70s and she was so beautiful to me. Her mother, my grandmother, was a circus performer and would ride motorbikes through circles of fire. She was also one of the first women in all of Italy to obtain a driver’s license (at least that is what she told me and I’d like to keep on believing it as it’s a very cool memory of her). She was Dutch and was just driving through Italy and in order to keep driving she needed to get a license. Plus, she was always wearing pants and in Italy at the time that was very, very rare.
Tell me a bit about Mia’s father.
One of the first things he told me was that I’d be a wonderful mother. This is what initially made me kind of fall in love with him. He is a very independent guy and I am an independent woman, so that is a plus in my case. We actually don’t feel like we have really broken up even if we broke up as boyfriend/girlfriend because we have this relationship as Mia’s parents and we are doing that part together. Ibiza is a special place for us. We met and conceived her here and the time we spend together here we always fight much less. I guess it is something about the island that makes you just want to fall in love and be in peace. We really do have our best memories here.
So are you now thinking of moving to Ibiza?
Well yes, at least for most of the year. Maybe not permanently as my bags are made in Italy and I need to be there as well. Who knows where life will take us, but the idea for my brand and bags came to me when I was here and so did Mia.
Did you suffer during your break-up?
I mean yes, of course, honestly I did suffer a bit; it is never easy to deal with the ending of a relationship. We were just really focused on being good parents to Mia and we saw that we’d be better parents to her if we separated.
You seem like a very strong and fearless woman. You made your bags and now it looks as though you are building an empire, a “Barbara Bonner” lifestyle brand. Can you tell me what your next steps are in business?
I am trying to move back to Ibiza because I am now opening my first flagship store here on the island. This will be my first one, but I do hope it will be the first of many. What I am creating really beats in my heart; the designing of my own bags. When I was pregnant I still remember the line I did. I was feeling very creative and calm and felt truly free to express myself. I had so much energy to work and create during pregnancy.
I would like to wish Barbara all the very best of luck with all her adventures and I look forward to seeing you grow and blossom. Thank you for the lovely day we had together and hope to see you and Mia soon. Thank you for sharing your story with us and all the mothers and mothers to- be out there.
Love JM
video e photo credits Paolo Regis